


For Reasons Unknown

by Lynedele



Category: Pretty Little Liars
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-05
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-06-06 12:05:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6753163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lynedele/pseuds/Lynedele
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a an AU story of Paige and Emily set in Los Angeles at UCLA in particular. This story is going to be rated M for future smut, but for more sensitive material that will/may come up a bit earlier. This isn't going to be your typical fanfic, so please stay in there with me! I can't really give much a description without giving everything away.     Rated for future chapters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

She was probably the strongest swimmer I’d ever seen, at least in person. I stood on the side of the 52 meter x 25 yard pool at the Spieker Aquatics Center just watching her as she cut through the water like it automatically parted to allow her entrance. Each next stroke was just as smooth as her last. This was definitely a girl I’d not only be competing for top spots with, but a girl I wouldn’t mind training with. There were 25 of us on the team all together, but there were only about 6 freshman, including myself and this girl that I could not stop watching. I had seen her around – at the orientation and at the first team meeting, but all I knew was that her name was Paige, and apparently, she was designed to be in the water. We hadn’t met in person yet, but she completely floored me with her form. The sun had started to come up over the horizon – practice was almost over. We had all met in the locker room at 4:45am and we had been swimming in groups of 5 for the past hour and a half. While meets didn’t occur until the spring, practice was never ending. We had coached practice once a day for two hours each on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and twice a day for 2 hours each on Tuesday and Thursday. On top of the coached practices, we needed to individually log in between 10 and 15 hours of pool time each week in order not to have a guaranteed spot on the bench during meets. It was much more than I had had in high school, but to be a part of the Bruins, well, I would continue to do anything. 

 

It was the first week after courses had started. I had taken a leap and moved across the county from my hometown to Los Angeles on a semi-full ride to UCLA. UCLA had been my dream school since I was little and my parents did everything they possibly could in order to get me there. When I started getting scouted, I was offered a full ride to Penn State University but I turned it down when I was offered the partial ride UCLA at the encouragement of my parents. They promised me that regardless of the money, we would get me there if that is where my heart was. Sure enough, I was granted a scholarship based on my academic merit, and another scholarship from my dad being in the military. And so, two weeks before courses started, my parents and I flew to Los Angeles and set me up in a dorm while also taking some time to do some touristy things. The one thing my mom and I had always talked about doing was the Walk of Fame and to watch a movie – any movie in the Chinese Theatre. When I was younger I was always running around the house pretending to be a movie star. I loved to put on little performances for her and that is when she started introducing me into the really old but really good movies. It was after seeing all of the old movies and being exposed to people like Judy Garland, Audrey Hepburn, and Marilyn Monroe that I started becoming obsessed with going to Los Angeles. When I started swimming in middle school, I realized that not only did I want to go to Los Angeles, but I wanted to swim for the UCLA Bruins. The day my parents promised that we’d find a way to get all my tuition and cost of attendance covered, I couldn’t have been happier. They knew what this meant to me and I honestly believed I was the luckiest girl on the planet to have the parents I did. They always wanted what was best for me and they just wanted me to be happy. 

 

My dorm was in De Neve Plaza and as far as I could tell, my roommate was amazing. We were so very different, but we seemed to get along just fine. Her name was Hanna and she was a bit more…bouncy than I was used to. We had some amazing one on one talks about college and “what we wanted to do when we grew up”. Hanna was very “LA”. She had grown up in fashion, and boy you could tell. She always talked about different labels and designers – something I knew nothing about. However, it was fun watching her as animated as she was. We did have two major things in common though -our love for coffee and the simple fact that we had zero idea what we wanted to actually do with the rest of our lives. I knew I wanted to do something where I could help people, though I wasn’t necessarily sure it was social work or anything related. I was told I didn’t have to declare a major until next year and that I could use my freshman year as a way of ‘exploring my options’. I came from a very headstrong family where it was always engrained into us to have a strong worth ethic and to do the best we could at any given point in our lives. My parents never expected or even wished perfection upon me, but simply that I would do my best each moment of every day. Hanna gave me that feeling that it was okay that I didn’t have it all figured out yet and that we’d end up figuring it out together. 

 

Anyways, De Neve Plaza was a bit of a “deluxe” residency hall and even though I promised my parent’s I’d be just fine in the regular halls, my dad didn’t think it wise that I possibly get stuck with having a triple room. Instead, he’d rather I get a certain double room with a little more security and closer access to more amenities, not to mention it would be more likely that I sleep with only one roommate instead of two and considering how much practice was kicking my rear, I was going to need that ability to sleep. So I wasn’t going to complain, but I did want them to know I wasn’t expecting to be living the “high life”. Just the fact that I was able to go to UCLA was beyond the highlight of my entire year. Scratch that. Entire decade. It was everything I had dreamed of. My classes were going to be rather trying as I was taking 16 credit hours – English Composition I, College Algebra, Intro to Psychology, Western Civilization: Renaissance to Enlightenment, and Women in Film and Culture. It was going to be a rather rough first semester, but I was bound and determined to succeed. 

 

Coach blew the whistle indicating practice was over. We all piled into the locker room to shower and change. As I came out of the shower, I watched as coach posted our best times on the board. I pushed my way through the crowd of swimmers – some exclaiming with joy and others holding their head low. I had done alright. My times were fairly consistent and that was all that mattered to me. I wasn’t the fastest, but I wasn’t the slowest either. I did notice that Paige seemed to have beat my time be 5 whole seconds. I was flabbergasted. She was a freshman. I had expected the faster times from the upperclassmen but I was the fastest at my high school. 

 

I quickly toweled my hair dry enough that I could just pull it back into a pony tail. My hair was rather long and instead of standing in the locker room for a half an hour getting it to dry, I had plans to go back to my dorm, throw on some actual clothes and then fix myself up. I threw my running shorts on and a clean shirt before packing up. I packed up rather quickly as I knew that Paige was sure to leave soon and I wanted to at least introduce myself to her. I figured if we were going to be on the same team – and we were both new recruits – we might as well at least know each other. 

 

I walked around to the other set of lockers and saw her sitting on the bench facing away from me putting her things into her Nike gym back. 

 

“Hey,” I called to her.

 

No response. She just kept putting her stuff in her bag.

 

“I’m Emily. I just wanted to tell you that your times were absolutely fantastic. You’re really talented.”

 

Still no response. She zipped her bag up. 

 

“Paige?” I said a little more loudly – trying to get her attention. She didn’t look like she had ear buds in – surely she could hear me. However, instead of turning around to greet me, she simply stood up, threw her bag over her shoulder and began walking forward and out of the locker room. 

 

I stood there completely dumbfounded. I mean, even if she didn’t speak English she’d know someone was talking to her. 

 

“That was rather rude,” I said to myself. 

 

I was a rather nice person. I mean, I definitely had my bitchy side, but I would never not talk to someone who was making an effort. 

 

______________________

I made my way back to the dorm only to find Hanna still sleeping – that hadn’t been exactly abnormal for her. She grumbled in her sleep as I put my bag down on my bed and I looked over to find her lying with one eye open and one eye closed. 

 

“Good morning sleepy,” I joked. 

 

She groaned and covered her face with a pillow. 

 

I laughed lightly and went to my closet to find a pair of jean shorts and a tee. 

 

“What time is it?” I heard behind me. 

 

“Almost 8.”

 

“UGH!”

 

“If you get up now and get ready we will have time to grab a frappe before class…” I cajoled. The moment ‘frappe’ left my lips, I saw her push away the covers and attempt to get out of bed. I had learned that Hanna’s magic word was “coffee”. 

 

On Monday’s Wednesday’s, and Friday’s, Hanna and I didn’t have class until 9, and luckily we had the same class. English Composition wasn’t exactly my favorite, but it was Hanna’s arch enemy. The only class that was worse than English for Hanna was her math course. She was in College Algebra, but we had it at different times. However, we found that the professors taught it roughly in the same order, so we were able to study together. 

 

It took us about 15 minutes to finish getting ourselves together. Hanna was finishing up her makeup while I curled the last little bit of my hair. 

 

“Ready,” she asked as soon as I turned off the hot appliance. 

 

“Absolutely!”

 

I grabbed my bag and we headed down the stairs. We were only on the second floor, which wasn’t a problem for me, but I had a feeling had we lived on the third or above, Hanna would have insisted we use the elevator. She wasn’t much for physical activity, though I promised her I’d get her to run with me. I hated running alone. My best friend back home, Spencer, and I always ran together and I missed having someone to keep me going. 

 

In the past week, Hanna and I about tried every single coffee shop that surrounded campus. Neither of us had a car, so we couldn’t go very far. Every coffee house but one was mediocre. The only problem – the coffee house we loved the most was on the exact opposite side of campus from where our English class was. We hurriedly grabbed our coffee and breakfast and began rushing towards the other side of campus. I gave it to her – she didn’t like to run or be very active, but when she had to be somewhere, the girl could hustle. We got to the building where class was being held with about 15 minutes to spare so we each took a spot on the half-wall which closed a bunch of landscape and pulled out our breakfast. I had grabbed something small before swim practice, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t starving by the time English arrived. I pulled out my sausage burrito and began chowing down on it while Hanna started demolishing her egg white with Gouda on ciabatta. 

 

“This is so backwards,” she said sporadically.

 

“What?” I quizzed after gulping down another mouthful of food.

 

She laughed. “You’re the athlete. Aren’t you supposed to eat like really healthy or something?”

 

“Pft. I eat what I want. I work out enough that I can consume nearly anything. And hey, I like sausage. And burritos.” 

 

As we were finishing out breakfast and getting ready to head into the building, I saw Paige out of the corner of my eye walking with two other girls. She seemed perfectly chatty and like she was having a good time.

 

I must have made a frustrated noise because Hanna turned to look in the direction of which I was staring.

 

“What was that about, Em?” she asked.

 

“Just a girl on the swim team. She had some amazing times today and I went to introduce myself but she completely blew me off.”

 

“Did she say something rude?”

 

“No! That’s the thing. She acted like I didn’t even exist. She didn’t talk, she didn’t even nod. And then she just walked away.”

 

“That’s weird. Did she have music on?”

 

“I looked around to see if she had ear buds on, but I couldn’t see any.”

 

“Maybe she was just in really deep thought?”

 

“I guess so, but I tried to get her attention like three times.”

 

Hanna just shook her head as we walked into the classroom. 

 

I wasn’t sure what was going on, but I didn’t like being ignored - especially when I hadn’t done anything.


	2. Chapter 2

The days went by fast for the rest of the week. Classes were filled with first quizzes and first discussions. My favorite class by far was Women, Film and Culture. It was that one “fun” class in the middle of all the classes I had to take. We had discussed the end of class project which would be a project that we each would develop of one woman in the history of film. We could do poster boards, prezi’s, Power Point, or an essay. Thankfully we wouldn’t have to present it so I felt confident that I could come up with something absolutely fantastic, though I wasn’t sure which woman I was going to develop my project from. Hanna and I both had a quiz due on Thursday and Friday respectively and thus Wednesday night was filled with nothing but algebra. Thankfully, I understood the material well enough to help her along, but still, on Friday I was a semi nervous wreck. 

 

I was beginning to get into a routine with early morning practice, coffee with Hanna, class, afternoon practice, daily study time, and still remembering to eat. I don’t think I could forget to eat even if I wanted because Hanna was always hungry and she had this knack of knowing when I didn’t eat. Not to mention she kept the most ridiculous junk food in her drawer – cheese puffs, chips, and chocolate. She always had some chocolate, which, to be honest was my life saver some days. I wasn’t a big junk food person, but sometimes when you mix stress with the feelings of “oh my God I want to pass out and sleep like Rip Van Winkle”… chocolate helps. 

 

Swimming was nothing abnormal, in all actuality being in the water was the only place I felt calm and serene even though I was pushing my body past the point I had ever before. I had seen Paige at each practice, but I hadn’t had a chance to ask her what her problem was. She had either left before I was able to get over to talk to her or I was the run rushing out the door. I figured at some point we would end up in the same place at the same time. I was still irritated, but I had been thinking about it and maybe Hanna was right – maybe it wasn’t intentional and she was just in deep thought about something. I was also beginning to wonder if I had missed seeing the headphones. I just couldn’t come to grips with her not turning around to say hi to me, especially after she said “good race” to me on Thursday when we went head to head. 

 

It was Saturday morning and I had woken up early to hit the pool. There were multiple pools at the university, but being on the swim team, I had access to a private competitive pool. It looked like it was going to rain, but I didn’t mind even though I had never really swam in the rain before. My high school pool was inside and therefore I never had had the opportunity to. I thought maybe swimming in the rain would be a different kind of challenge, but I knew once it started to thunder and lightning, my butt was out of the water. I did not feel like being paralyzed or killed from electrical currents. I was driven, not stupid. Not to mention, practice was on rain or shine, so I figured I would have to get used to coming up for air when water is streaming down my face due to the rain. I heard a few of the older teammates talking about how the rain wasn’t very hard after you got used to it, but if you aren’t accustomed to the rain hitting the pool, your face, your mouth, etc, then the first couple times would be rather unnerving especially if you opened your mouth to get a lungful of air and instead was rewarded with a gulp of acidy water. After hearing that conversation, I figured there was no time like the present to perfect that particular experience. 

 

The small run I took from the dorm to the pool wasn’t very far. In fact, it was barely enough time to allow me time to wake up fully. Once I got out of bed I had taken my vitamins and eaten a protein bar, but I have learned to go through my morning routine nearly fully asleep. Once I got to the locker room, I took off my shorts and tank top. When I initially changed before leaving the dorm, I just threw on my practice suit, as it was more practical, and put a change of clothes and ‘get ready’ stuff in my bag. Hanna always laughed at me because she didn’t understand how I could juggle a gym back and a book bag without either annoying me. The answer was simple – I had been doing it for about 7 years. I started swimming my 6th grade year and, even though swimming was always before or after class, I always had to carry both bags. I was completely accustomed to it. However, I was very happy that I had my own locker here just as I did in high school and that the locker room wasn’t too terribly far from my dorm. It meant I could leave my bag while I ran from class to class if I wasn’t going straight back home. 

 

I walked out to the pool and pulled my goggles over my eyes before perching myself onto the starting block. I counted to three and dove into the water easily. I was initially surprised by the coolness of the water, but then again, I always was. During evening meets the water was warmer because it had all day to bask in the hot sun. In contrast, the water during the morning meets was always quite cool, but I always adjusted quickly. My muscles stretched out and I pushed myself to move faster with each stroke – getting myself into my normal rhythm. I hit the wall and tumbled, turning myself in the water and pushing off the side. I loved being able to come out into the water when no one was around – or when few people were around – because I could just focus on my next move and forget everything in reality. It wasn’t that reality was bad, it was just that the moment where it was simply the water and me was better. When I reached my original starting point, I didn’t stop, but simply just turned once again and headed towards the opposite side of the pool. When I hit the far wall for the second time, I felt the rain collide with the water and my face. I used to it drive me faster. The older swimmers were right – getting used to the rain pouring down on your mouth when you went for air did take some time getting used to. 

 

I continued swimming for about an hour, pushing my muscle far past the glorious burning stage. I was bound and determined to perfect swimming in the pouring rain. I only stopped for a brief second every couple of laps to recompose myself and, more importantly, make sure it still wasn’t lightening out. I changed strokes every few laps to give myself some variety. My backstroke was never perfected, but I never had done too bad on the breast or butterfly. Aside from freestyle, butterfly was my favorite stoke. I found that it took a little more concentration for me and it worked muscles that normally wouldn’t have been worked as hard if I just focused on my freestyle. I had determined that I needed to rest and so I began my final lap back to the starting block but halfway through my lap, I heard someone dive into the pool. It wasn’t unlikely for other swimmers to use the lanes, but normally we spread out relatively far apart. I couldn’t imagine that all the lanes filled up that quickly. 

 

I got to the wall and pulled myself up to sit on the concrete, my feet still in the water. I pulled my towel over my shoulders and watched the person in the lane beside me swim towards my side of the lane. She was just as graceful as ever. I could only dream that I look half as good in the water as she. Her muscles were prominent but lean, her form was nearly flawless, and she had such confidence in her stokes. She was mesmerizing. When she reached the wall, she pulled her goggles off and looked at me. 

 

“You’re out early. Want to race?” She asked with a smile looking directly at me. 

 

I nodded my head, put my towel to the side and slid back into the water. I pressed my back against the tile and listened as she said “I’ll call out. On ‘three’ we go!”

 

I said okay and we both pulled our goggles back on and got into position. She called out the numbers and on ‘three’ we both dove into the water and raced. It felt good to have some competition and I was now more certain than ever that she hadn’t ignored me before and I probably wouldn’t even mention it to her. I could see her to my left just ahead of me and I forced every last bit of energy out into my limbs. I finally gained on her during the tumble turn and I pushed off hard. My muscles screamed at me for pushing them far beyond their comfort zone, but I didn’t care. I really wanted to win. I finally hit the wall with my palm and came up for air to find Paige mirroring my actions. I was only about a second behind her – meaning either I had improved or she was letting me win. 

 

She took her goggles off and looked at me. “You’re getting faster,” she complimented.

 

“I think you let me win,” I said looking back at her. 

 

She shook her head and pulled her goggles back on. “Come on,” she encouraged before diving back into the water. 

 

We swam together for about another hour – I was completely exhausted. During my absolute final lap, I pulled myself out of the pool and stood on the concrete with my towel – drying myself off. 

 

“I’m done. I’m thoroughly exhausted.”

 

She pulled her goggles off and looked at me. “What did you say?” 

 

I smiled at her and repeated my prior sentence. 

 

“I’m going to swim a few more laps. I’ll catch you later?”

 

“Yea, see you later,” I responded as she turned herself over and began swimming again. 

 

I found that during Saturday mornings the locker room wasn’t all the bad. I was able to get a shower and get dressed without anyone else in my way. I plugged in my blow dryer and began getting ready when I saw Paige come through the back door and head for the showers. Maybe I’ll see if she wants to have lunch or something? I thought. About 15 minutes later, my hair was fully dried and finally presentable. I absolutely adored my long hair, but some days it just did not want to cooperate. I quickly brushed my teeth and then applied my makeup so I didn’t look too much like a wreck before gathering up all my things and placing them systematically in my gym back. I remembered when I bought that gym bag –I begged my mom for something just a little more durable and more utilitarian. I wanted to be able to put all my small things in designated areas instead of it all conglomerating together. I smiled at the memory. 

 

I hiked my bag up onto my shoulder and walked over to the other side of the lockers. Paige was dressed, thankfully, and was in a similar position to where I had my first semi encounter. 

 

“Hey, thanks for the race!” I exclaimed. 

 

She didn’t respond. 

 

Not again I thought.

 

“Paige? You okay?” I asked.

 

Nothing.

 

Well that about did it. I was tired of her playing nice in the pool and then completely ignoring me. I hiked my bag back up onto my shoulder and walked passed her and stood directly in front of her. 

 

“Are you pissed at me or something?” She looked up at me puzzled. “I mean, I don’t understand. You are so chatty and friendly in the pool but when we get to the locker room, it’s like ‘to hell with Emily’. I mean really, Paige, have I done something to you?” 

 

She began fumbling in her bag without a response. 

 

The nerve!

 

“Paige, are you listening to me?” I practically yelled. 

 

She held up on finger and I was almost offended until I saw a small smile cross her lips as she picked up a small half-moon like device and placed it on her right ear. 

 

I took a step back. Was she deaf? 

 

“Sorry about that. You were talking too fast I couldn’t read your lips. What were you saying?” she looked up at me curiously. 

 

Well I felt like an ass.

 

“umm, nothing. I…I…”

 

“Freaking you out?” she asked

 

“No, I just… wasn’t expecting that…” I felt like a complete idiot. Really Emily? 

 

“Nah, it’s cool. I get that a lot. I don’t have a deaf accent and I read lips pretty well. I can normally hold a decent conversation as long as the person is looking at me.”

 

“I feel like such an asshole.”

 

She just looked at me puzzled and so I figured I’d better explain.

 

“The other day I got really mad at you because…” she stopped me. 

 

“Do you mind slowing down just a little? You’re starting to sound like you’re on speed,” she laughed.

 

I really liked that laugh.

 

“Sorry. I, um, I got mad the other day because I tried to congratulate you on your times being so low but you just ignored me. Well, I know now you weren’t ignoring me, but…”

 

“I get it. It’s okay. You still mad?” 

 

“No, I just feel like the world’s most horrible person.”

 

“Don’t. Hey, would you like to go grab lunch?” She said as she moved her hands.

 

I looked curiously at her fingers. 

 

“Sorry, I am deaf, so I sign. I sometimes forget that hearing people don’t know the first thing about sign language. “

 

I smiled at her widely. She was so intriguing. There was just something so very special about this girl.

 

“Will you teach me?” I asked.

 

She gave me a wide grin and nodded. “First lesson.” She look my right hand and balled it into a first before making it go up and down just a little. 

 

I couldn’t stop the perma-smile. “What does that mean?” I asked still continuing the motion with my fist.

 

“It means,” she began, “that yes, you will go have lunch with me.”


	3. Chapter 3

We sat down at the independently owned diner just about a half a mile off campus and the waitress came right over to us and took our orders. It was so weird how even though Paige couldn’t hear - or hear well with her hearing aid, she was still able to understand the waitress and place her order without missing a beat. It wasn’t that I thought she was incapable because apparently she was completely capable – perhaps more than I was, but she was just so intriguing to watch and she captivated me every time she spoke, moved, or heck, even breathed. 

 

“What?” she asked when she caught me watching her. 

 

I shook my head and felt my face flush. My mom always told me staring wasn’t good, but I couldn’t help it. I never had a deaf friend before and it was very fascinating to me. 

 

“No, you’re watching me. Don’t be shy.” She narrowed her eyes at me in thought and smiled knowingly. “You’ve never met a deaf person before, have you?”

 

I shook my head before speaking. “No, but I mean, I don’t think it’s weird or anything. It doesn’t bother me, in fact, I’m actually quite fascinated by how you cope so well. Wait, I didn’t mean…cope…as in…you are limited…” Jesus Christ I’m going to dig myself into a hole. “I…I… I mean… shit.” I looked up at her to see a rather amused expression on her face. “I’m sorry. I just don’t know what is acceptable to say and what isn’t. I don’t want to offend you…”

 

“Emily, relax,” she began. “You don’t have to worry about offending me. Others, maybe. But me? No.” 

 

I smiled shyly as her words eased my anxiety. “Would it be inappropriate to ask you a question?”

 

“Go for it.”

 

“Okay…I don’t know how to phrase it,” I admitted scrunching my nose.

 

“Emily,” she coaxed as she placed her hand over mine to comfort me. 

 

I could tell she sensed my nervousness. I had my dad to thank for that. My dad was a fairly straightforward guy, but he was also one that didn’t pry into asking questions but rather he just took things for what they were and that was it. My mom, on the other hand, was just as inquisitive as I was…or rather, I was as inquisitive as she. My mom always wanted to know more and when she got the answers to those questions, more replaced them. I guessed I had been passed down that particular gene but having seen my dad just leave well enough alone, in situations like this I tended to get very nervous because I was conflicted between asking questions and letting my curious side take over and not overstepping a line. 

 

“You can ask me anything. I’ll answer as honestly as I can. If it ever gets to a point where it’s too invasive, I’ll let you know, but you don’t have to worry about me being mad,” Paige finished. 

 

“Okay,” I smiled widely at her. 

 

I had just met the girl – truly – this morning, but I was really beginning to like her. She was easy to be around and I didn’t have any friends in LA aside from Hanna. 

 

I took a breath and just decided to blurt out my questions – slowly of course. “Have you always been deaf?”

 

“No,” she said definitely. “I lost my hearing when I was 13 – which is why I speak without a deaf accent. I am still able to pronounce all of my words like I did when I was a kid. “

 

“Can you hear anything?”

 

“Sometimes. My hearing is better on some days than others. I’m not sure why, it really shouldn’t be but my hearing aid helps. When people talk normally I can hear them at pretty much just above a whisper on good days. On bad days, I can hardly hear anything. If I don’t have the hearing aid in, I can’t hear anything, really. Oh, this one time…” She began telling her story just as food arrived and I patiently waited for her to finish her story but she dove in and starting taking a fry, so I followed. 

 

“So anyways, at my high school just about a year or so after I lost my hearing, I was in the locker room cleaning up after swimming. Thankfully I had changed and the fire alarm went off. Now, if you can imagine going from hearing nothing- completely silence to all of a sudden this loud, obnoxious alarm – well, it scared the hell out of me. I jumped back against the locker – having zero idea of what was going on. The coach found me against the locker - see we didn’t have any lights flashing. It was just the sound, so I hadn’t a clue of what was going on. Anyway, so coach grabbed me and bag and hustled me out of the locker room in the winter time. It is never extremely cold here, but it just so happened to be the coldest day of the year. I had no coat, only flip flops and no coat. “ 

 

We both laughed at her story. I could totally see her freezing her butt off in the middle of the cold, not knowing what the heck was going on. I had to admit, it was probably terrifying for her. 

 

“So, all in all, that was the day I found out that I can hear very loud noises even without the hearing aid!” she concluded. 

 

“So that’s why you can hear the buzzer at the start of the race…”

 

“Yea, pretty much. I mean, it’s not loud. It is so faint to me that if it was only the level of volume of which I hear it now when I was 12, I probably would have never heard it at all. That was one thing I was so surprised by – all the background noise that I never realized was there. When you’re hearing, you tune out so much and then when that’s taken away, the smallest, most faint sound is so dynamic. And this isn’t for everyone, I mean, hearing loss isn’t the same for everyone.” 

 

The conversation fell silent and we both began eating our sandwiches like we had been starved for months. I had never been to this diner before, but it was absolutely fantastic. It felt good to know that I wasn’t the only athlete that could eat their weight in food. We both ordered gigantic burgers – hers with no onions, mine with no onions or pickles, and it came with a monstrosity of fries. I could tell that the burgers were real meat and the fries very well could have been hand cut. 

 

“How did you find this place?” I questioned her. “This food is amazing!” 

 

She smiled widely at me. “I’m glad you like it. A good friend of mine owns it.”

 

“Well, I really need to meet them! This is fantastic”

 

“If you think their burgers are good, you’ll have to try their pancakes. Wait…you do eat pancakes, right?” She narrowed her eyes at me questioningly

 

I scoffed. “Do I eat pancakes? Pft. Does a cat meow?”

 

We both laughed at my turn of phrase. 

 

“I am so surprised at how well you can understand me,” I blurted out. “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean..”

 

“Hey, I told you…it’s fine. And I don’t catch every single word, but you also don’t realize what you have done to help me out just after you found out.”

 

“Me? What have I done aside from talking too fast?”

 

“No, it’s perfect. You have no idea how you just facing me – waiting for the waitress to put down the plates before resuming talking to me, speaking slowly....how all of it helps.”

 

I bowed my head down and smiled shyly. “I didn’t realize I was doing all of that per-say. I just know that I want to talk with you, so I was trying to make sure I could continue doing that – especially because I don’t sign.”

 

“Well, I still owe you a lesson. You free?”

 

A wide grin overtook the lower half of my face. “Yea, it’s Saturday. I have nowhere to be – just some homework that I can do tonight or tomorrow.” 

 

“Where’s your dorm?” she asked

 

“De Neve.”

 

“Okay, so how about this,” she began as she pulled her wallet out to pay. I grabbed mine too to pay for my half, but she swatted my hand away.

 

“What?” I looked at her confused.

 

“I got this.”

 

“No. Paige!”

 

“Emily, my treat. I invited you. I got this.”

 

“Paige, please let me…” I trailed off because she had closed her eyes and I knew she couldn’t really hear the words I was saying – just that I was speaking and she began shaking her head from side to side. 

 

She opened her eyes at me and smiled when she realized I had stopped talking. “Fine. Just, let me leave the tip?” I pleaded.

 

“Deal.”

 

We exited the diner and stood under the shade of the palm tree.

 

“So why don’t we walk to your dorm – you can grab what you need to study and then I’ll take us to my place. I can guarantee it’ll be quieter than the library and it’ll definitely be better company.”

 

“You live off campus?”

 

“Yea, I don’t live too far. I live with my Aunt Kathy. She’s not really my aunt, but honestly, she might as well be my mom.”

 

“Sounds like a plan,” I agreed nodding my head. 

 

We walked the slightly longer distance back to my dorm in silence, but it was the most comfortable I had felt with anyone, ever. Paige had introduced me into a whole different world and there was just something about her that made me want to spend more time with her. She was confident, but I could tell that she had a long past – I could see it in her eyes. Paige just had this presence about her that inspired me or something. I couldn’t form it into words. She just had an affect on me in a very positive way. 

 

As we continued to walk, I kept sneaking glances at her. She was just barely shorter than I. It was such as small difference that unless we were side by side one could hardly tell. Her hair was colored auburn – I could tell she colored because her natural brown roots were showing through, however it gave her a certain character and her locks contrasted well with her pale skin. She had worn her up after practice, but I had seen it down a few times – before practice and when I’d see her around campus so I knew that it laid just on her shoulders. Her eyes were a dark brown – almost as dark as mine but not quite, however they were very deep and focused. 

 

“Why do you keep staring at me?” she quizzed out of the blue turning her head to look at me.

 

I stuttered trying to get words out but failing completely.

 

She smiled cockily and turned her head back to focus where she was going.

 

It was no surprise that Hanna was gone when I got back. She mentioned something about her mom picking her up to go shopping downtown in the midmorning.

 

“So, here’s the room.” I said as I entered, Paige following behind me.

 

“Hmm?”

 

I’m going to have to get used to this. I turned around to face her and pointed to my bed. “This is it. You can sit down if you want while I grab my stuff. Won’t be but a few minutes.”

 

She didn’t sit down, but simply ran her fingers over my cork board that hung above my desk and contained a bunch of photos of my family, friends, and former life in Rosewood. She scanned my walls and the picture of Spencer and me. It was taken during our senior year when we went on a trip to New York City. 

 

She stopped on a picture of my dad, my mom, and me and pointed to it. 

 

“Are these your parents?” 

 

I nodded at her when she looked over at me. 

 

“You look a lot like your dad.”

 

I laughed. I got that a lot. “My mom would argue that I’m just as stubborn too.” 

 

I put one last thing in my bag and touched her arm to get her attention. She seemed to be in deep thought as she looked through all of my pictures. 

 

“Are you close with your family?” She asked sitting on my bed finally.

 

“Well, yea. My parents and I have always been close. We haven’t always gotten along, but we’ve gotten through things. They are the sole reason I’m here. They wouldn’t let me give up on my dream of being a ‘Bruin’.”

 

She hummed and nodded her head. I could tell that she was lost in her own thoughts, but I didn’t feel the need to pry – at least not yet. 

 

“Hey Paige?” I said moving my head towards her peripheral vision. I didn’t feel that I should keep touching her. I mean, it’s one way I knew would get her attention, but it seemed kind of invasive of personal space. 

 

She turned her head to look at me and I moved my head back. “Can I ask you another question?”

 

This time she seemed like she was ready for a bomb to hit her. I wasn’t sure why, but she nodded still the same.

 

“How did you lose your hearing?”

 

“Ahh. The million dollar question,” she said almost laughing. “Simple. Brain trauma.”

 

“Did you hit your head really hard or something?”

 

She continued that weird laugh/smile. “Something like that.”

 

I could tell she wasn’t really ready to talk about it. Maybe she had gotten into a wreck? Maybe she lost someone? I couldn’t be sure, but instead of prying I decided to quickly change the subject.

 

“Are you ready to go? My bag is together and you promised to teach me.”

 

She stood up and nodded. “Yea… let’s go.”

 

As we exited the building, Paige spoke up. “I’m parked over by the pool.”

 

I must have been looking at her oddly because she followed the prior statement with “yes, I can drive. Deaf, not blind.”

 

“Sorry, Paige. I don’t mean to keep acting like the world’s largest asshole –slash-dork. I just don’t know what you can and cannot do. I mean, I know you aren’t an invalid.”

 

She looked at me curiously. “Did you just say I wasn’t in-VAL-id?”

 

“NO! I said In-va-LID. Like, incapable…”

 

She started laughing really hard. I just stood in the middle of the walkway perplexed until she calmed herself down. She kept apologizing over and over but couldn’t say much until she started breathing normally. “The way your lips say each syllable is the same, it is only the influx of your voice – your tone – that changes. Lip reading is not a science,” she explained. 

 

Now I understood what was so funny. It was good that she could laugh, but I felt like an idiot.

 

“Emily, it happens all the time. Don’t be embarrassed.” At those words, I finally allowed myself to realize how funny the situation was. 

 

After our laughter fit settled down, we resumed our walk towards the pool and we made a slight left towards the parking lot. 

 

“I’m just up here,” she motioned.

 

I followed her passed all the cars and the only other vehicle was a crotch rocket parked in motorcycle parking. It was black and red and had two saddle bags on each side of the tail.

 

“umm… Paige?”

 

She turned towards me. “What?”

 

“Is…this…yours?” I hesitated.

 

“Could you really see me in Prius?” she quizzed.

 

“But this is a bike…”

 

“It’s a Honda.” She confirmed vaguely while nodding your head. 

 

“I…I can’t get on that.”

 

“Sure you can.” 

 

She walked over to the saddle bag and pulled out an extra helmet and put it on the back seat. 

 

I looked nervously at the bike and then back to her and then back to the bike. 

 

“Paige…”

 

“Emily, trust me.”

 

I didn’t know why I should, I mean I barely knew the girl, but something inside of me craved adventure. I did trust her. I didn’t know her, but I trusted her. 

 

“Now listen to me, Emily,” she instructed. “Put your bag on your back and make sure it’s tight but comfortable. You’re going to sit on the back seat. If you bend your knees slightly, there will be two pegs for your feet. You’ll feel them but they aren’t very big. When I get on, I’ll motion for you to come close. Press closely against me and wrap your arms around my waist. When I turn the bike, like when it leans, lean with it. Don’t panic. Understand?”

 

I nodded my head. 

 

“Now is the time to ask questions because you know I won’t be able to hear you once we get on.”

 

“I understand.” 

 

She smiled sweetly at me and motioned for me to do as I was instructed. 

 

I saw her take off her hearing aid and put it in her bag before securing her bag atop of the saddle bags on the bag. She caught my eye and gave me a reassuring look and a small nod. She slipped on her helmet and climbed over the seat before motioning for me to get close. She started up the bike and I felt it purr underneath of me. It made her body vibrate against mine. I held on tight as she popped up the kickstand and walked it out of its parking space. She turned her head to the side and with the words “hold on tight” we rode off, my arms around her slender waist being the only thing securing me to the fast-moving hunk of metal.


	4. Chapter 4

I felt like I was flying. Paige zoomed in and out of traffic like it was nothing - first taking main streets and then pulling off onto a small back road away from most of the congested afternoon traffic. I did my best to remember to lean into the turns and found myself holding onto her waist tighter and tighter while keeping my eyes closed for the greater part of the ride. I had to give it to her, the ride was very smooth. When we had to stop, I didn't feel like I was going to go flying over the handle bars or off the side. At one stop light when no one was around, she turned her head and yelled "You okay?" I didn't know what else to do besides give her a thumbs up. I felt her chuckle and she grabbed my hands and put them back on her stomach with a pat, indicating to hold on tightly. 

 

With one final turn, we pulled into a long driveway beside a small house. It couldn't have been more than 3 bedrooms and that was pushing it. The L-shaped ranch house was constructed in old red brick and the window/door panes were a soft white. The grass was verdant and neatly cut and spread across the entire front of the house except for a small concrete path which led to the porch of the house. There was a large wooden glider - which could easily sit three people - on the porch accented by two small white wicker end stands on either side. I noticed that there were some small plants and flowers accented by mulch, stones, and angels up against the porch and on the sides of the other parts of the house that I could see. 

 

Paige locked the kickstand into place before dismounting the bike and taking off her helmet. After putting her helmet down on the front seat, she held out a single hand to help me off. It was very chivalrous of her, kinda dorky, but took it anyways with a smile and a thanks (which I completely forget she couldn’t hear) and slid off the bike a bit clumsily - actually, more than a bit. I nearly fell and thank god she was there to catch me otherwise my ass would have hit the concrete. She tittered at my klutziness while grabbing her bag off the back. I followed her lead and took off the helmet and finally handed it to her after she seemed situated. I wasn’t really sure what she wanted me to do with it, but she just put it on the seat and motioned for me to follow her. 

 

We walked into the house and the only word I could use to describe it - cozy. To the right was the living room and straight ahead was a dining room and a decent size kitchen. I assumed all the bedrooms were on the left and back side of the house. The walls were a soft brown and there was a cute teddy bear boarder going across the top of the living room. Two dark brown microfiber couches were angled together to face a decent size flat screen TV. The walls were filled with pictures, shelving, and knick knacks, and art. 

 

An older woman - probably in her mid to late 50's was standing in the kitchen washing dishes. As we neared closer to the kitchen, she turned her head towards us and her eyes lit up with surprise. Paige walked quickly towards her, closing the long distance and I followed behind. Paige wrapped the older woman a giant bear hug allowing me to study the woman’s features for a brief moment without being too obvious. She was much shorter than I - probably by a few inches but she had the most beautiful long gray hair pulled into a braid which lay across her left shoulder. When she opened her eyes, I could see that they were the most vibrant shade of blue I had ever seen. She smiled brightly at me and began moving her hands at Paige, in what I could only assume was sign language. 

 

The two signed back and forth for a few seconds and I began to feel so out of place. I had no idea what they were saying and I could only hope that one day I might be able to a) understand without being fully lost and b) talk to Paige like that. I could tell Paige was more comfortable reading signs that she was talking. It was just a very slight difference, but it was one that I noticed. I was pulled out of my thoughts when I heard "This is Emily" and as she said my name she used her right hand to create shapes of what I presumed were letters. "She's hearing," Paige continued making another motion with her hands. The woman nodded her head and turned to me.

 

"Nice to meet you, Emily," the woman spoke as she signed to me. "My name is Kathy," she concluded as she did some of the same motions that Paige had done. Her voice was different than Paige's, it almost sounded like she couldn't pronounce all of her letters… like she didn’t know her phonics. It then occurred to me that maybe that is what Paige referred to as a deaf accent. I couldn’t be 100% sure because she was only the second person I had met that was deaf.

 

"It's really nice to meet you to," I replied trying to mimic the motions she had done when saying the words to me initially, shaking my head when I realize how badly I mutilated their language. 

 

Paige and her aunt chuckled a little. I was very glad that they both appeared to be light-hearted about my screw up and after just a brief moment Paige walked over towards me and stood beside me, facing her aunt. She pointed two fingers in a V shape at my eyes and then back to her as if to say "watch me". She put her hands flat against each other so they were parallel with the floor and moved the top one across the bottom. "Nice." I mimicked her and then she continued by making a shape with her hand that almost looked like a lower case "d" by putting the tip of her middle finger against the tip of her thumb. She placed her hands apart - her left hand close to her body and her right hand away, but then brought them together. "Meet." Once against I mimicked her. Finally she pointed her index finger towards her Aunt Kathy, "You."

 

Her aunt signed as she spoke back to me, "Very good. You learn quickly."

 

I smiled, very proud of myself. Paige was a good teacher. I watched in awe as she signed back and forth with her Aunt for a moment before motioning me to follow her to the left. They were both so fluid – I didn’t think I’d ever get to be that good, but I loved watching them both. Aside from their fast moving hands, I also watched their faces. They were both so animated with their facial expressions. They reminded me of the smiley faces that doctors give little kids to point to when asking how they are feeling. 

 

We entered a room and she placed her gym back down on the bed before reaching into it and finding her hearing aid to put it back on. I looked around her room, just as she had mine.. She had a desk and a large bookshelf settled against the far wall which housed several books – both textbooks and reading books. I could tell she had read a few of them several times as the spines were wearing. She had a few small stuffed animals in key locations – a lion, a parrot, and an elephant to be exact. Above the headboard of her bed was a dream catcher. It had several feathers and a beautiful weave with beads and furry tails? I had no idea what the furry tails were called, but regardless it was gorgeous. I looked down at her bed and smiled – she had a teddy bear. It was absolutely adorable. I never pictured her for being the cute adorable type, but she very much was. I began scanning her pale blue walls – although she had fewer decorations in her room than I did, she did had a lot of posters of bands – Lynard Skynard, Rolling Stones, Slipknot, and Disturbed - and a few pictures here and there of her and her aunt along with a few more of her with a few other teenagers. 

 

“Ah…” she said pointing to one picture in particular depicting three boys, four girls, and her after noticing my lingering gaze. “These,” she motioned her fingers over a few of the faces, “are friends I had in high school. That’s Jeremy and Ty – they were on the boy’s swim team. They were like big brothers to me. They always had my back no matter what. This is Kayla and Zara – they were on the swim team with me. This is Geoffrey – he is also deaf. He and,” she paused for a moment to point to another girl, “Madison – here - both helped teach me to sign. We didn’t have formal classes in high school and so I learned from them and their parents. Madison’s whole family is deaf so before I met Kathy, Madison’s mom began giving me lessons. She is the sign instructor here at the university. “ I nodded as she explained. “And this,” she pointed to the last girl, “is Kennedy. We were really close all though middle school and into high school”

 

“Are you guys close now?” I asked and she immediately shook her head. “What happened?” I inquired.

 

“Long story. Very long story. We had a…falling out.”

 

I left it at that. 

 

She moved her bag from the bed to the floor and sat down motioning me to follow. We sat facing each other so she could read my lips.

 

“So the best way for me to teach you, is for me to sign everything I say. I won’t go fast and I won’t use the most complex way of doing it. But if you can pick up on some words – you can sign them back to me when you speak.”

 

I nodded, “Okay.”

 

First, let’s start with something simple. The alphabet.”  
\----------------------

 

We practiced signing for a good two hours. I learned how to spell my name and her name easily. She showed me the basic signs for ‘yes’, ‘no’, ‘please’, ‘thank you’, etc. True to her word, she signed certain words as she talked and then made sure I signed them back to her when I said those words. I hated that she had to keep correcting me, but I was so thankful that she was patient. It was something I really wanted to learn. 

 

We decided to take a break from the ASL and work on actual school work. I didn’t realize how wicked smart she was. She had CLEPed out of English Comp I and II and she was already in Trigonometry. She was taking Biology I, Trigonometry, Chemistry I, History of Russia and Communism, and Women in Art. She mentioned that she loved the contrast between art and science and something about each made her love them both. She was majoring in Biochemistry and wanted to go into medical school. I could only dream of being that naturally smart. 

 

We were both lying on our stomachs reading our respective chapters. I had some Psychology reading that I had to do and I thought it would be easiest to complete. Even though my hair fell down over my face like a curtain, I kept brushing it back to sneak glances at her. She was so deep in thought – a light green highlighter in her left hand slightly tapping against her lips – and at other times it was being chewed on. She was completely adorable and not to mention completely gorgeous. I couldn’t lie – a tiny hope was building inside of me that maybe…just maybe we could be more than friends one day and maybe, just maybe I’d stop staring at her like a total dork. 

 

“Hey Em?” 

 

I whipped my hair around and rolled over to my side so I could see Paige’s face. It was nice hearing my nickname roll off her lips. 

 

“Yea?” I asked.

 

“Thanks.”

 

I looked at her bewildered. “For what?”

 

“Today. I don’t really have any friends here – at least none that I feel comfortable with to bring into my room. You don’t act like you understand what it’s like, but you aren’t afraid to ask questions either. Everyone else seems to walk on egg shells around me – like I’m glass and going to break. My aunt was really excited that I had brought a friend home – that’s what she was signing about when we got here,” she admitted. 

 

I smiled at her. “Well, you’re in luck. The only person I know besides you is Hanna – and I’d love to introduce both of you to each other. But everyone I know is across the country. So if you want, you can see a lot of me,” I halfway joked. 

 

“Good,” she said matter-of-factly as she grinned exuberantly. 

 

The evening flew by as Aunt Kathy called us down for dinner. I was surprised by how she got Paige’s attention. They had a small row of labeled light switches on the wall of the hallway – one of which was labeled “PR” for Paige’s Room. When her aunt needed her, she would only have to switch the light on and off and served the same purpose as my mom calling up the stairs for me. I thought it was an ingenious plan. Apparently, Aunt Kathy had lived in the house for most of her life. She met her husband as Gallaudet University in Washington D.C., and after they both finished their education, they decided to move across the county in search of a bigger city on the beach that provided them both with lots of option. Aunt Kathy had a Master’s Degree in Social Work and Psychology which she used to advocate for people with disabilities, especially those who were hard of hearing or deaf. Her husband, Robert, was an engineer and worked in chemical engineering until he was diagnosed with liver cancer and died three years prior. They had two children, one which was deaf and a graduate student at Gallaudet and another who was hearing and was in Panama working with a doctor helping children get medical attention. 

 

Paige took the opportunity of the dinner conversation to help show me some new sign words, which I then began using as I was trying to speak. I was very impressed with how quickly I had picked up on things – even if I only had been introduced to it one day. I was in awe of what Aunt Kathy and her husband had done with their lives and what their children carried on. I still didn’t quite figure out how Paige fit into the equation, but I had decided that was going to be a topic for later. I had told them both about my parents and my dad being in the army. Aunt Kathy asked me about my friends back home and I was able to share some parts of my life with them – Paige translating the greater part of it. 

 

After we finished dinner, I offered to help in the kitchen – Aunt Kathy tried turning me down but I was raised that when someone cooks, the other people clean. So I grabbed Paige and made the sign for “no” and pointed to Paige and I - however after that I was lost as to how to sign “we will clean up and wash dishes”, so I just began grabbing plates and making my way into the kitchen. I could hear Paige chuckle, but she quickly followed me with her arms as full as mine had been. We settled into a comfortable rhythm – I washed the dishes and she cleaned up and put everything away. When everything was finished, I dried my hands on a dry dish towel and took my phone out of my pocket before making a face realizing that it was almost 8pm. 

 

“It’s getting late,” I said turning my phone over so Paige could see the time. 

 

“Whoa. Guess times when you’re having fun. Let’s get your stuff together and I’ll take you home before it gets too late and you decide to fall asleep on the bike,” she joked winking at me.

 

We stopped by Aunt Kathy as we were getting ready to leave the house so Paige could tell her where we were going, but Aunt Kathy stood up and began signed “no” and a multiple of other signs accompanied by facial expressions that made me realize she wasn’t suggesting grabbing ice cream on the way – though that didn’t sound half bad. As I watched Paige sign back, I recognized the sign for “Fine” and “okay” before she turned to me – semi cockeyed so her aunt could participate in the conversation. 

 

“Apparently, there was a bad accident by the campus – exactly on the main street we’d need to go down. Aunt Kathy would prefer that we either wait or you could stay here until morning and I could drive you home in the morning. I’m so sorry Emily, I didn’t realize…” She pressed trying to assure me that her plan wasn’t to keep me captive. 

 

“Oh… well, that’s okay. I don’t mind. I mean, I don’t want to impose.”

 

“Oh, you’re not imposing. She’s insisting,” Paige replied rolling her eyes and turning slightly to her aunt who had a set facial expression.

 

Her aunt didn’t verbalize much, so Paige was left to do most of the translating, but as Paige was getting ready to speak, Aunt Kathy walked towards me and reached for my hand. “I don’t want you hurt. You stay here til morning, okay? Bad accident. Don’t want my girls hurt.”

 

I smiled warmly at her. “Girls?” I asked.

 

“You be sure to come here often. I like you,” she stated with a pat to my hand before turning around and walking back to the couch to finish watching her show. 

 

Paige shrugged her shoulders and we both headed back to her room. 

 

“So, my aunt always keeps extra toiletries around if you need,” she said trailing off as she went out to the hallway for a second. When she came back in she held two different toothbrushes in her hands, a brand new tube of deodorant, a washcloth and a towel. “In case you want a shower.” 

 

I nodded graciously. “Why does she have so many brand new items?” I inquired.

 

“That is a story for a different day,” Paige responded. “I promise I’ll tell you, but it’s a very long story. And I’m also assuming you’re starting to wonder where I fit into all of this…” she questioned me.

 

I nodded. “But I don’t want to pry.”

 

“No, it’s okay. I’ll tell you that story too. But later. We have another full bathroom on the other side of the house. If you want to shower in this one,” she pointed across the hall, “I’ll get mine in the one on the other side of the house.”

 

After our respective showers, we grabbed a big bowl of popcorn and laid on her bed to watch a movie. We discovered that both of us adored Julie Andrews and we had decided to watch both of the Princess Diaries like we were little teenagers once again. Thankfully, she lent me some clothes – we were roughly the same size and so that made the whole arrangement a lot easier. About halfway through the second movie, I looked down and found Paige completely passed out - her head very close to my breast. I realized she still had her hearing aid in and I wasn’t completely sure as to whether or not she was able to sleep in it. I positioned my hands right by it and systematically figured out how to remove it from her ear before finding the “off” button (with some difficulty) and I reached over to put it on her nightstand. When I resettled into my position, Paige maneuvered with me – her head falling flat onto my stomach. It was comfortable. She was so precious and I could tell she had a lot of secrets – I could see it in her eyes when she vaguely talked about her past. If she felt safe laying on my stomach, then so be it. I gingerly began running my fingers through her auburn locks and carried on watching the movie until I, too, finally fell into a deep slumber.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I hope you all are enjoying this story. I know its a little different, but being Deaf myself, I am trying to put what the looks like on the front lines. I'd love to know what everyone thinks so far. Love you all!

"I hate Algebra!" Hanna huffed in frustration as she let her head fall onto her book with a loud 'thud'. I had been trying to explain the concept of slope for over an hour and we were getting nowhere. She had an exam the following day while I had mine the day after. It was Wednesday night and yet again we were holding true to our new involuntary Wednesday ritual. It was roughly 7pm and her exam was rather early in the morning and I was running out of options. I didn't want to just leave her hanging, but while I understood it enough to pass the test myself, I was having the most difficult time trying to translate the concept into a form where Hanna would understand.

"I may have an idea…"

The weekend has been superb. It was probably one of the best chunks of time I had had in a few years. Paige and I had woken up roughly at the same time and we both decided to go for a run. It reminded me of the times I would run with Spencer, but with less pressure. Paige and I kept relatively the same speed and on the way back to her house, we stopped by her favorite smoothie place and packed ourselves full of yummy goodness. Instead of going back to the dorm to be alone, I ended up spending most of the day with her studying and learning more sign language. She started teaching me how to construct small sentences like "I like…", "I want…", and "How are you?". She also taught me about the wh-words: who, what, when, where, and why. It was so different than English because while in English those words are first, in ASL they are last. She told me that if I was talking to her or her aunt not to worry about the proper placement just yet – there would be time to learn the sentence construction in her 'advanced lessons'. She started to sign to me anytime we talked and I found myself picking up on a few words such as "book", "music", "go", "we", "food", "coffee", and "home" among other. She joked that within a week I'd know more vocabulary in ASL than I did in English. She effectively earned herself a playful smack against the arm with that comment.

We broke from studying at about 6pm and took a ride around town. The motorcycle was less scary the second time around, though I still made sure to hold on tight. I did start realizing that I wasn't holding on to her simply for fear of falling off, but more-so because I felt safe being pressed up against her so tightly. She smelled like vanilla with a faint hint of chlorine and for some reason she made me feel so secure – so safe. She drove us through many parts of the city that I hadn't seen before and for dinner we went to this small, privately owned Italian restaurant on the outskirts of the city before taking a walk around a small lake nearby that had white Christmas lights on the trees all year round. It was oddly peaceful seeing as it was so near the busyness and chaos of the big city. The pollution was also not as bad as it was in the middle of the city so I could look up and see the stars – something I had desperately missed in the past few weeks since moving from Rosewood.

When Paige finally dropped me off at the dorm, I had to tell Hanna all about it. She was dying to know the details. What was best is that the whole girl/girl idea was completely normalized for her. I didn't know if Paige was that way – hell, I didn't even know if I was truly that way. All I knew is that there was something about this girl and so I figured I'd see where it led. If it led to something more, then so be it. I was in Los Angeles, I was gaining friends, and I was literally having the best time of my life because of a split second change in my world. Paige and I had seen each other each day since, even outside of the coached swim practiced. We created a schedule together to try to be in the pool training together as much as possible and we had begun to eat lunch together between classes (Hanna always had classes during midday when I had breaks) and we had even studied together Monday night. We had a lot of really good talks, but they were mostly about the future and other philosophical questions. I loved that I could talk to her about really deep 'what if' topics. I never really had that before.

When I was over at her house on Monday night, I did have another 'deaf' question for her. I had noticed on the previous Saturday that she had all these band posters on her walls, but if she couldn't hear it, I didn't understand how she could enjoy it. She smiled devilishly at my curiosity and told me she "wondered when I would ask that." During the day on Monday, she bought a pair of ear plugs for me just in case I would end up asking that particular question. Little did I know what I was in for. Her aunt was out grocery shopping and so we had the house to ourselves – meaning, she could vibrate the walls without getting an evil glare. She directed me to put in the ear plugs and make sure they were snug. She took off her hearing aid, grabbed the remote for her stereo and sat on her bed, leaning against the wall. I climbed on her bed and sat next to her and when I had settled, she pressed a button on the remote. The loudness of the music was so intense that I wouldn't have been surprised if it affected my hearing – with the earplugs in. Still we sat against the wall and she motioned for me to close my eyes. I did and then suddenly, I felt her hand over my chest. She tapped her fingers against my heart with the vibrations the music was making. It was entrancing. I had always listened to music, but I had never truly felt it. Truly feeling things for the first time was becoming a reoccurring pattern with Paige and it surprised me as it had only been a few short days.

"What's your idea?" Hanna asked desperately barely lifting her head from the book on which it was lying.

"Give me a second, let me see before I mention." I quickly typed out a text to Paige asking her if she was busy/sleeping/available and I explained the situation. Within seconds I received a text back asking if I would buy her coffee if she made the ride back over to campus. With a laugh, I replied that I would and that I'd meet her at the library in 20, coffee in hand, adding that I would attempt to get a private study room so we'd have the quiet, obviously not for her, but for Hanna.

"Okay, so… Paige is in Trig and I know from experience that she's an amazing teacher," I began but was cut off by a whimpering Hanna.

"If I wasn't so stressed, I'd totally make some sexual joke but you have a freebie tonight."

"Umm..thanks. Anyways," I shook my head clear before I continued, "Paige agreed to meet us at the library in 20 if I get her coffee. So let's pack up, grab up some 'joe' and head over there, okay?"

She nodded as she began to put all of her pertinent belongings into her bag.

We made it to the library with a few minutes to spare after grabbing coffee on the way. I gave the circulation desk my student ID and we were granted a room on the 3rd floor. I quickly texted Paige the room number before forgetting and Hanna and I made our way to the room – of course having to take the elevator.

I was so surprised about the rooms they had available for studying. Certain rooms had a single wall that was nothing but a dry erase board. The circulation desk gave me a set of dry erase markers to take with me after they offered that type of room. A classmate told me that the library had a bunch different types of study rooms and so I just explained to the girl behind the desk what we were trying to do and she suggested that this room would be best.

We settled into the room and the moment I sat down Paige opened the door.

"Hey," she said smiling brightly at me.

"Hey yourself! Thanks for coming… I don't know how to help her," I explained gesturing over to Hanna who had resumed her position from the dorm – her book on the table and her head down on the book.

Paige frowned, "Hanna?" She went over to her and sat down next to her. "Look at me."

Hanna lifted her head. "You're Paige?" Paige nodded. "Thank you."

"We're going to get you taken care of. Come on…sit up, drink your coffee. I promise I'll make this painless."

Hanna took a deep breath and chugged a bit of her coffee as Paige took a marker and began writing on the board.

It took two and a half more hours, but at the end, Hanna was answering every question Paige could throw at her. The white board was covered different colored marker and partial erased problems. Paige wrote one last problem down and smiled at me. I knew she was trying to trick Hanna, but to no avail. Hanna deciphered the information – and rather quickly- before writing the work on the board and giving Paige the correct answer.

Paige raised both arms up to give Hanna a double high five. "Yea! And THAT is how you do slope!" she exclaimed excitedly.

"I don't know what to say!" Hanna jumped up and down excitedly.

"Well, just remember to do those tricks that I showed you and you'll get each one correct. And pay attention to your negative signs. Draw them clearly. You have the whole class period and it doesn't matter how much work you write down, as long as you get the correct answer."

"This is fantastic! Em, why couldn't you explain it like this?" Hanna quizzed me.

"Because I'm not a super genius obviously," I replied.

"Well you were right, Paige – you're an amazing teacher. "

"Very patient," I chimed in.

Paige smiled widely at me as her phone buzzed. "Aunt Kathy making sure we're okay." I nodded. "Wow, it's almost 10:30."

"We should get out of here. I need my beauty sleep," Hanna suggested.

We walked Paige to her bike and Hanna about screamed "Well that's sexy!"

Paige didn't hear each word she said so I repeated her words and attempted to sign the letters s-e-x-y. She nodded her approval. "Getting good there, girl."

I beamed at the compliment.

"Yes, Hanna. It is sexy," she said reaching the bike. "And I looked sexy on it."

"I bet you do," Hanna agreed nudging me. I shot her a look but Paige just chuckled.

"All right girls. I gotta go before Aunt Kathy starts to worry."

"Text me when you get home?" I asked giving Paige a big hug.

She nodded. "Of course."

"Thank you so much Paige!" Hanna said before grabbing Paige into a big hug.

We watched Paige take out her hearing aid, put it in her pocket, and place her helmet over her head. She waved to us and pulled out of the space zooming out of the parking lot.

Hanna and I had an uneventful walk back home. Campus was quiet at night – it almost seemed halfway deserted.

"So you two look cute together," she piped up out of nowhere.

I just blushed. I was waiting for her to keep saying more – it was unlike Hanna to just leave things, but to me surprise she did. Guess she was really really tired.

The morning came early. Hanna was able to sleep in longer than I because of swim practice. Thursdays were our double days and so I knew I was in for a long day. I hustled down the steps with my bag and by the time I got about 10 feet out of the building, I heard a clap behind me. I turned around and Paige was standing there with her gym bag and a smoothie.

"I figured you would look like death," she joked while examining me. "Not too far off"

I rolled my eyes as she handed me a smoothie. "How did you know I was craving one?" I asked.

"Because I wanted one. They are open 24 hours. Weird, I know."

"Weird or not, I think God loves me, right now." I replied.

"Emily," Paige stopped suddenly and I turned to look at her. "God loves all of us," she said in her most mock serious tone before bursting out laughing. This girl was absolutely crazy.

We got to the locker room – we were the only two in sight but regardless we decided to change and get in the pool. I couldn't help but watch out of the corner of my eye as she whipped her shirt off exposing a half-naked torso. My eyes had a mind of their own as they scanned her perfectly toned form – her taut abs, her slender waist, the slight curve of her hips. As my gaze trailed up her form one last time, it immediately locked on a large red mark by her ribs – just below her sports bra- on her right side. It looked like a large scar…a slice. It wasn't recent, but it wasn't blending in either. Paige caught my eyes and when she realized I had seen the scar, her face fell. She didn't even see mad that I was gazing at her, but she was just rather anxious.

"Paige, what…"

"Not here, not now," she said just above a whisper.

She took a step towards me and grabbed my hands. She was so close and for the first time I got slightly nervous. A swarm of butterflies flooded my gut. She moved her lips to my ear and whispered slowly, "I've got a lot to tell you, but not here. Friday night? Come spend the night and I promise I'll tell you everything," she promised.

She leaned back up and looked me directly in the eye and I nodded. She looked anxious – like she was bordering a panic attack. Her face was more serious than I ever had seen it. No, she wasn't anxious or serious. She was terrified. I had seen that look before – not on her but on others. It was unadulterated fear. It didn't matter what I had to do this weekend, I would be there for her. She needed me or needed to tell me something that scared her. I wanted to find a way to show her that I genuinely was not going anywhere. The only way I could think of was to speak to her in her language – a language that she and I were beginning to share. So I signed to her "Friday – fine. I- here- you." She smile briefly as she showed me that I used the wrong sign for "here" as I signed for the place "here" and not the emotional "here". But she signed "thank – you" back to me before wrapping me in a hug. "I promise we'll talk," she reinforced. I put my hands over her head to keep her secure to me for just a moment longer.

The hug broke and she quickly changed into her swim suit and I changed in mine before we hit the pool. I wasn't sure what was up, but I knew it had to be something big. Yet, I would be patient. Things were moving so quickly between us, but I dubbed that up to the fact that we were both lonely for so long. I couldn't act with anyone like how I did with Paige, not even Spencer. Spencer was my best friend, but she could also be judgmental and a little too forward. Paige was assertive at points, but I also felt like she was a person I could tell my deepest and darkest secrets to and she would care less. Her only concern would be if I was okay. She was starting to be one of the most important people in my life. I never thought that a deep friendship could build so quickly, but ours had. I felt like I had known her all my life. There were still many things that we didn't know about each other, but I felt closer to her than I felt to anyone.

I threw my bag into my locker and I watched as Paige took of her hearing aid, put it in her own bag, and placed her bag into her locker gingerly. She turned to me and smiled – acting like the past 5 minutes didn't happen. My suspicion was that she had gotten used to changing gears quickly. "Ready?" she asked signing to me. I didn't even speak. I simply signed "Ready. Two-of-us go". Her broad smile widened even more and we walked in step to the pool and just before we dived in, Paige called over to me, "try and catch me, Fields!"


	6. Chapter 6

"Hey Han," I said entering the room with Paige behind me.

Hanna jolted from her bed and bypassed me with speed while practically landing in Paige's arms. "Thank you, thank you, thank you," she repeated.

Paige looked over and smiled at me and I signed "she – say – thank – you." Paige gave me a knowing look and as Hanna let up off the hug, Paige asked, "Do well on the test?"

Hanna rushed to her computer before popping up the Blackboard interface screen and flipping it around to show Paige. "96 baby!"

Paige gave her a high five and smiled gleefully.

"That's awesome Han!" I exclaimed giving her a huge hug.

"Em, you're out. Paige – you're in! Sorry, Em, but I'm firing you as a tutor."

Paige laughed. "Any time."

Paige and Hanna kept talking – both eventually taking a seat on her bed while I set my gym back onto my bed and began unpacking then repacking.

Since Thursday, Paige and I kept hitting the pool hard. We had had Thursday night coached training and Friday morning coached training, but both Thursday and Friday afternoon she and I had spent some time in the pool together. She went over every part of my technique with me over the two afternoons from my push off on the starting block until I hit the starting wall. I could tell she was analyzing every single movement and she told me that she had some ideas that may help. No one on my former high school team was as tall as me, and so I learned how to push off the starting block and little awkwardly. I thought I pushed off just fine, but Paige had insisted that my stance was affecting some of the physics.

"Hey Em?" Paige called over to me.

I turned around and lifted my eye brows - I was working on my facial expressions for my signs. She giggled so apparently she thought it was adorable.

"If you have any dirty laundry, bring it. We have a washer and dryer. No use trying to fight for one."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"Wow, Em. Look at you. A chauffer off of campus, a good meal, and access to a washer and dryer? LA living at its best!"

I rolled my eyes and finished packing my bag before grabbing my red mesh laundry bag and making sure that all of my laundry was in it.

"Alright Hanna, I'll see you sometime this weekend?"

"Yea, definitely. Have fun guys!" she called out behind us as we exited the room.

We reached the motorcycle that she had parked out front. Thursday afternoon I decided to give her my parking sticker since I didn't have a car. I figured it might as well get some use.

"Umm… Paige?" I touched her arm.

"Hmm?" She asked getting ready to take her hearing aid off.

"Where are we putting all of this?" I inquired motioning to both of our bookbags, our gym bags, and my laundry.

"Ye of little faith," she replied. "Hop on, leave the bags on the ground. It's going to get a little snug.

She had me wear my bookbag on my front and hers on my back, but with a couple bungee cords she was able to secure the two gym bags and my laundry bag behind me. I had no idea how she was able to fit all of this on the back of her bike. She was like the master packer.

She looked at me before taking off her hearing aid. "Just hang on as tight as you can. I'll be driving slower, but I know you have a long ape index, so you should still be able to grab ahold of me." She gave me my helmet and then proceeded to do her routine of taking her hearing aid off and putting her own helmet on before straddling the bike.

"Welcome home," Paige joked as we entered into the house. We went straight to her room and put all of our things down before heading to see if Aunt Kathy was home. Her car wasn't outside, but that didn't mean anything as she usually kept it in the garage. Paige grabbed my laundry bag on the way out and immediately headed to the washer and started a load.

"I could have done that," I said to her after touching her arm. But she gave me a confused look. I then realized she hadn't put her hearing aid back on and she didn't read my lips fully. I took the opportunity to see just how well I could sign in this situation.

I pointed to myself first and then made my hands into two full fists, palms down, knuckles facing her, and brought them to about boob level, before bringing them down together just a little. I then turned my fists into two loose claw hand shapes, palm facing the floor, and moved them side to side gently before lastly making the "Y" hand shape and pointing towards the laundry/washer.

Paige smiled at me – I'm not sure if I did everything correctly, but she appeared to get the gist of it. Hopefully I didn't butcher it. I was trying really hard not to. Paige signed back "I know. Ok," while nodding her head. After she finished setting the washer, I followed her into the kitchen where there was a note left on a dry erase board for her.

"Paige - Went out with Julie. I hope Emily came. There's money in the cookie jar. Order pizza or whatever. Love you."

Paige turned to me, "Julie is Madison's mom. You two should really meet."

"I would like to meet her," I replied signing the words "like", "meet", and "her".

"I'll talk to Aunt Kathy. Maybe Julie would let you into ASL for your language requirement? I mean, if you would want to."

I began nodding my hand and signing the word "yes". "I would love that!" I spoke clearly.

"Awesome! We'll talk to her this weekend," Paige answered both speaking and signing before walking over to the Teddy Bear cookie jar and grabbing the money Aunt Kathy left her.

She walked back over to me and began signing. I wasn't expecting it so I had already been lost by the time she got to the second word and I could only assume my face gave it away as she frowned. And said "pay attention" while signing the phrase. She signed her initial sentence again slowly – "you want eat what?"

I responded by signing "I don't know" before even realizing that I had a) understood the full sentence and b) responded in kind without having to truly think about it. Paige had noticed though and responded to me with a gigantic smile. "Pizza?" she verbally asked. I signed back to her "sure. Great."

She motioned me to follow her. We entered her room and it then dawned on me that she had to order online because she couldn't call. I never realized how many little things were different. I'm sure for someone who was born deaf it was easier- they probably didn't know any other way to work with things, but I couldn't imagine losing my hearing when I was a teenager. Paige was so strong and I admired her so much.

We both sat back against her headboard as she opened her laptop and also grabbed her hearing aid out of her bag and put it on. "So, I'm not sure what all pizza you like, but in this house, we order from Enzo's Pizzeria. It is literally the best pizza in Los Angeles."

I nodded before she continued with the online ordering. "Favorite pizza?" she asked.

"Everything minus anchovies and green peppers," I answered straight away without thinking.

"Mine too, Wings?" she replied and after I nodded, she ordered a large pizza and checked nearly everything on the list, some garlic bread, and some wings.

We both decided to grab full showers and change into our pajamas before the pizza was delivered. I had a feeling she was nervous about promising me that she would tell me about what had happened. I wasn't going to press her. She would tell me on her own time, and if it didn't happen tonight or this weekend at all, then there would always be the following weekend and the weekend after that and the weekend after that. I wanted her to feel safe with me, not pressured.

When the pizza arrived, we hauled paper plates and cups into the living room and watched a movie. She seemed to enjoy it as much as I did and I hardly noticed the closed captioning. I was more interested in watching her though. We were sitting on the large couch our bodies at either end, and our feet half-way entwined in the middle, each of us with a big empty plate in our laps. Paige had eaten 3 very large pieces of pizza, 4 wings, and nearly 2 pieces of garlic bread. I gave it to her – the girl could eat. I think she out ate anyone I knew and she wasn't ashamed of it. The way she put it "If an 18 year old boy can eat twice as much as I do and only get praise from his buddies, well dang it, I'm going to eat until I'm full and expect praise from my buddies for putting all that food down." I could only chuckle as she wasn't entirely incorrect. In fact, she was actually completely accurate, just most girls don't have that attitude.

Aunt Kathy arrived about halfway through the movie and we paused it to talk to her. She asked us about our day, about my test (and Hanna's), and asked Paige if we had gotten enough to eat. I thanked her for feeding me and she responded with a big hug. I noticed that this was a very hugging family, much more than mine had been – and my mom was a hugger. I continued to sign the words I knew with what I was saying and Aunt Kathy seemed truly impressed at what all I had picked up. When the conversation died down, Paige piped up.

"Do you think Julie would meet with Emily? Emily wants to take sign language for her language. I thought maybe Julie would be a great person for her to meet," Paige signed and spoke.

Her Aunt replied in sign and Paige translated "She thinks it'd be a great idea and she will TTY Julie tomorrow."

I looked at them both in confusion. "TTY?" I asked signing the letters.

Paige replied, speaking and signing like she always did, "It's a texting-to-call service basically. See, when we want to talk to someone else who is deaf or, more importantly, hearing, we use TTY. You type in what you want to say and a relay person speaks to the person. If Aunt Kathy just learned to text on her cell phone more, she wouldn't have to use TTY…" Paige indicated animatedly.

Aunt Kathy just brushed her off and signed "I'm going to bed."

Paige and I finished the movie before cleaning up the leftovers and heading to her room. She turned a small lamp on by the side of her bed so that the overhead light didn't have to beat down on us. She looked anxious as I mirrored her actions by sitting on the bed across from her atop all the covers.

I touched her knee to get her attention as she was staring off towards a corner. "Paige," I said in a normal tone. I wanted to whisper it, as a comforting tool like I would with someone who was hearing, but for Paige, it didn't matter as it already was a whisper to begin with. She faced me, her eyes closed at first but then she took a deep breath and opened her eyes on the exhale. I shook my head and signed to her as I spoke "You don't have to tell me. I know you're afraid or nervous."

She smiled weakly at me. "I've only told two other people the truth. Others know but I've only physically told two other people. You will be the third."

I nodded at her. "Take your time."

She closed her eyes again for a second before speaking/signing. "I told you that I went deaf when I was 13." I nodded. "I told you that it was because of a brain injury, but I never specified what."

I didn't know why I felt the urge to, but I scooted closer and I placed my hands on her knees. I couldn't grab her hands because she was signing and therefore utilizing her hands. But I wanted to comfort her…to protect her in some way.

She licked her lips before continuing. "You know how you said that your parents are always there for you? That they are your whole support and have always been there for you?"

I nodded.

"Well, "she took a breath. "Mine are the polar opposite. My mom never wanted me. She got knocked up when she was our age – or at least that's the story. I found my mom's journals when I was a teenager and I read everything that she said about me. My mom wanted to abort me, but she was too far along. She didn't even realize she was pregnant. She was getting high and drinking and still sleeping around when she was pregnant. She didn't stop when she found out either. She stopped the heroine, but she didn't stop drinking. I'm lucky that I didn't have fetal alcohol syndrome or anything else when I was born."

I looked at her in disbelief, but still she continued.

"When I was an infant, my grandma took care of me. But she got really sick when I was 3 and so she forced my mom to take me. She died when I was 7. I remember crawling up on her lap when I was just a little kid and we would watch The Wizard of Oz, The Sound of Music, and Mary Poppins. I was obsessed with Julie Andrews and Judy Garland. I couldn't tell her what my mom did with me at home. My mom still drank. Every night. She didn't really care what she drank either. She'd go to the bar and leave me home alone. She'd bring guys and girls home. When I was little I didn't realize what was going on, but as I got older, I started to be not so naïve. If I didn't cook for myself, I didn't eat. I would take home snacks from school so I could make sure to have them later."

She closed her eyes tightly and stopped signing all together – her hands falling to grab my own and hold them tightly. "My mom would hit me. Repeatedly. It didn't matter if I did something wrong or right. She threw me in ice baths if I wouldn't listen. She hit me with objects – utensils, her hands, a ruler… She hit me with a skillet once. She would kick me, throw me into walls, throw things at me…you name it. I remember very distinctly that she threw a teapot at me once. "

I held her hands tighter and leaned my forehead against hers watching the tears fall from her eyes.

Her voice started cracking as she spoke again. "When I was 13, I started having enough. Something inside of me just started to snap. I was tired of being a doormat. It was the first time that I stood up to her. That's the day she hit me with the skillet. I can't even remember what she had done that made me stand up in the first place, but I remember being about 3 feet away from her. She caught me off guard. I was getting something from the fridge and when I stood up, she backhanded the back of my head with her cast iron."

I gasped involuntarily, my own tears escaping my eyes. I moved my legs so I could get her closer to me and I began holding her as tightly as I could. She was halfway sobbing, but I could tell she was trying to keep it together long enough to finish the story.

"I don't think she meant to do it as hard as she did, or at least I'd like to think not. The neighbor heard the scream before I went unconscious. The next thing I remember I woke up in the ICU and I couldn't hear anything and my memories were really fuzzy. Half of my head was shaved because I had a large cut on the back of my skull." She grabbed my hand and moved it to the back of her head. Sure enough, I could feel the scar tissue through her hair.

"I was in the hospital for two weeks. That's where I met Kathy. She came in as an advocate."

"Did they lock your mom up?" I asked into her ear so she could hear me.

She shook her head. "No. That's the fucked up thing. She told the officers and social workers that I had slipped on water and fell against the floor. Because there was blood on the floor from when I did fall, they believed her." All I could do was hold her tighter. "Kathy gave me her card when I left the hospital. She told me that if I needed anything, to call the number on the back – it was for her interpreter and her interpreter would help get us in touch. She helped me meet Julie and Madison – which is where I started learning how to sign. My mom didn't give a crap. Things were worse than ever because I couldn't hear her, so the violence got worse. When I was 15, we got in another fight. I couldn't hear what she was saying and she got pissed at me. She slashed me with a kitchen knife. I pushed her and used every last bit of energy to run out of the house. Madison and her mom were driving and they saw me. They picked me up and saw that I was bleeding so they took me to the ER. Julie called Kathy in and we all had a talk. Kathy's oldest had just left and she had an extra room. She took me in. She filed charges against my mom, filed for guardianship of me, got me medical attention, the hearing aid…all of it."

I let go of her so I could look into her tear-filled eyes. "Aunt Kathy saved me. She literally saved my life. I transferred schools. Aunt Kathy put me into Marlton School – which is a school for deaf and hearing kids. She could tell I was angry, so she got me therapy, helped me find an outlet – swimming. She worked her magic, somehow, and got me to swim for another school in the district since Marlton didn't have a swim team. Robert died just before all of this, like literally just before. I think Aunt Kathy threw herself into helping me and that's what help got her through."

I moved my hand up to her face and wiped away the tears with my thumb. I didn't know what to say. She was so young. She was only 18 and she had been through more than I could even process.

"You are so strong," I pressed.

She shook her head. "I'm not though. I just barely survived."

"But that's the thing Paige," I urged her to look me in the eye. I knew she could hear me with the volume I was speaking – and she still had her hearing aid in, but I wanted her to see my eyes. "You survived. Others may not have. I probably wouldn't have. But you did. You kept fighting. You could have given up, but you didn't. You're a fighter. I admire you."

She gave me a weak smile and I placed both of my hands on the sides of her face before lowering her forehead to my lips. I kissed her head gently before letting go. She beamed up at me and my heart fluttered. She chucked for a brief second, "For my 17th birthday – which is in October- , Aunt Kathy told me that if I worked all summer and came up with $2500, she would help me buy whatever car I wanted – within reason. Basically, she was tired of driving me to and from school and then to and from swim practice at the OTHER school. She told me this at the start of the summer and then the 'car' would be my early birthday gift. Well," she laughed again, "I found the exact 'vehicle' that I wanted and so we went to go see it, but when we pulled up next to the bike, she about flipped. Luckily, I had written a list of pros and cons for her and argued my case. She was signing at me like crazy – the owners through we were nuts. But I finally got her to calm down and read my pros and cons. She hates when I make a good argument. She just huffed and asked the owners how much. I had my driver's license, but I told her I had set an appointment to go get my motorcycle license and that Geoff's dad had been teaching me how to drive one. "

She gave me an animated expression which caused me to break out in laughter too. "Let's just say she was less than thrilled with me. But, we made a deal – if I passed the test the FIRST time, she would allow me to get the bike. I think she was hoping I wouldn't. But, I have the bike, so you know what that means…" She implied rolling her eyes and beaming up at me.

"I'm so glad you have her," I stated sincerely.

She nodded. "Me too."

"I had no idea that you went through all of that. I thought that maybe you got in a car accident or something," I admitted.

"That would maybe have been easier," she answered.

"You're just so confident and assured of yourself."

"I wasn't always. Aunt Kathy has drilled things into me and therapy helps. That's why Wednesday evenings before practice I'm not available. I have therapy every week. This week, we talked about you."

"About me?" She nodded. "Why me?"

"Because you are changing things for me. Aunt Kathy and her kids are like my family. But they are all older than me. Madison's mom knows what happened, but I didn't tell her, and Madison doesn't know even a 1/16th of it. Aunt Kathy told Julie just bits and parts. She knew enough to help me through the sign and get me on a track and what not. You are the only other person who knows it all. Madison and I are still relatively close. Geoff and I are relatively still close. But I have never been close with anyone the way I have gotten close to you and it's all been so fast. "

"I know," I agreed. "I've never had someone this close to me either, but I know I haven't been through what you have.

"That doesn't matter," she said shaking her head. "My therapist thinks you're good for me."

"Well, I'd have to agree. And I think you are good for me too."

"Oh, of course I am. I mean, I'm awesome," she smiled half cockily before turning serious. "Thank you," she said just above a whisper.

"For what?"

"I told you I told two other people, remember?"

I nodded. "Who else did you tell?"

"Do you remember when I showed you the picture of Kennedy?"

I nodded.

"Kennedy is my cousin. She's my mom's sister's daughter. About a year after I went deaf – so about the middle of my 9th grade year, I tried to tell her what really happened to cause me to go deaf and what my mom was really like. She called me a liar and started slandering me all over the school. My mom found out that I had told and when I got home…well, it was bad. Kennedy didn't believe me. You did. Thank you for not running away."

I sat up on my knees and got closer to her, my features set in determination. "Paige," I lifted her chin. I needed to make sure she understood every single word. I signed as much as I could but I knew I didn't know half of the vocabulary words, however I didn't care. "I will never leave. You are stuck with me. I care about you. You have become such a vital part of my life and there is nothing that I wouldn't believe if you told me. I hate that this happened to you, but I am so glad that it brought you to me. You deserve the world. You are the most intelligent person and the most interesting person and the most incredible person that I have ever met. "

She smiled up at me but when she noticed my own tears flowing from my eyes, she started to let her own tears escape their confines. She sobbed for about an hour before I shifted us under the covers. I held her close to me and rocked her, whispering "it's okay," even though logically I knew she couldn't hear it. Maybe she could feel the vibrations coming from my vocal chords? I could only hope. I felt her breathing even out about 30 minutes later and I reached around to her head to take out her hearing aid. She never did tell me whether or not she could sleep in it. Still, I'm sure it had to get uncomfortable. I could only imagine that if felt like having earbuds in all day long. I stretched and finally reached the light to turn it off before resettling much how I did last weekend, only this time, I made it a point to hold her tightly to me and before long, I dozed off – the scent of vanilla and chlorine easing me to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

I was jarred from my sleep by an unusual sound. It took me a minute to realize where I was, but after opening and closing my eyes several times, I remembered that I was at Paige's house and I was lying in her bed. I tuned my ears into the sound and sat up slightly when I realized that the way Paige and I had fallen asleep was not the position we were in now. I found Paige had turned away from me and facing the wall. I listened quietly – though it wasn't like she could hear me if I made a sound, but I didn't want her to feel any movements, and I heard her quietly sobbing. That's all it took. I turned my entire body and scooted up the bed before placing a hand on her shoulder and pulling at her gently until she turned around. I couldn't see her well, but the light of the moon shining into her bedroom was enough to see she had been crying. I continued to coax her into rolling over and when she finally was facing me, I brought her head to my chest as best as I could and I wrapped around her protectively. Her arms secured around my middle and I entwined our legs together. She sobbed into my chest for a long time – I didn't worry about counting the minutes. At some point she had choked out the word "nightmare" loud enough to where she knew I could hear and I just held onto her tighter.

I didn't know what to do aside from holding her. I had never been in this position. Last night was so very intense for her. Heck, it was intense for me, but I could see that she was still hurting from everything that had poured out of her soul just hours prior. I began rocking her gently, trying my best to get her to settle down. I craned my neck to search for the teddy bear that I remembered was on the bed every time I had been in the room. I finally found him (or her) on the floor by my side of the bed. I kissed Paige's head quickly before stretching my body back as much as I could – almost in a complete pretzel-twisted backbend and I finally grabbed ahold of one very soft and fuzzy leg. I retracted myself, bringing the bear up with me and pressing it against Paige's chest. Her outer arm retracted from my waist as she went to hold her teddy bear, but I just wrapped my long arm around her again – holding them both close to me. I wasn't sure what the teddy bear meant to her, but I knew if she was 18 and still sleeping with it, then it had to have been pretty special and if that is what she needed, then so be it. I was not going to judge a traumatized teenage girl for needing her teddy bear.

Eventually Paige stopped sobbing and I adjusted us both so that I was propped up on some pillows against the head board and she was cuddled close to my side – halfway on top of me, her head resting against my right breast and her chest/the teddy bear pressed against my right ribcage. I reached for the remote for the TV on her dresser opposite the wall of the bed and channel surfed until I found some old time cartoons. Paige lifted her head and smiled up at me and I responded by leaning down and kissing her forehead. I figured the best thing I could do was try to get some type of lightheartedness into Paige's subconscious. As she watched Scooby Doo, my eyes scanned her form to memorize this moment. I never felt very strong growing up, never felt like I could protect someone, but this moment proved me wrong. I smiled softly when I realized the cutest thing ever – Paige still sucked her thumb. Not like an infant would actively suck their thumb in place of a bottle or a binky, but her right thumb was just barely resting between her lips and her index finger was curled around her nose. I chalked it up to a soothing method that she probably used when she was going through all the trauma and she just had grown accustomed to it. If it was anyone one, I may have thought it weird or awkward, but on Paige, it was just… adorable. I couldn't help but melt. This was a girl who, outside of this room, was so assured of herself, so strong, so outgoing… she constantly made jokes and anyone would think that she had the confidence of 1000 people. But inside of this room, she was vulnerable. This room was her safe haven and the place where she didn't have to hide, and she let me in. She let me in to see her at her most vulnerable state. She trusted me with her most terrifying experiences, hoping that I wouldn't run.

We lay together for two full 30minute episodes of Scooby before I finally felt her breathing even out. The moment she laid her head down on me, I began running my nails through her scalp and playing with her hair. I had probably braided the same 4 strands of hair 20 different times, but I could feel the motions were relaxing her, so I forced myself to stay awake, even though my eyes tried to betray me, and I continued running my fingers through and through – braiding some parts together, twisting other parts…whatever I could to mix it up. When I felt her finally fall asleep, I turned the TV off and I let myself drift into a light slumber. I refused to allow myself to sleep deep because I wanted to make sure that I continued holding her however she moved through the night. Eventually, she did turn on her side, but I pressed myself up against her back and pulled her into me. I refused to let her feel unprotected against – bad dream or not. She had never been protected – at least not until Aunt Kathy stepped into her life. I didn't even know why I was so concerned with make her feel safe and I refused to overthink it.

The morning came early, but when I opened my eyes finally, I realized I was alone in the bed – aside from the Teddy Bear that was curled up in my arms. Initially I panicked until I looked at the clock and realized it was nearly 9:30am, therefore coming to the conclusion that Paige was probably already up. I put the teddy bear on Paige's pillow before going to the bathroom to brush my hair and brush my teeth. After making myself somewhat presentable, I walked into the main part of the house where I found my laundry folded and put into a firm basket – my mesh laundry bag folded up and placed atop of the clothes. I smiled and made a note to let Paige know how truly much I appreciated it, but when I reached the kitchen, all thoughts expelled me brain. Paige was cooking breakfast. It was the most adorable sight in the world and I could definitely get used to it.

There was flour everywhere – and I mean everywhere. The kitchen wasn't gargantuan, but it wasn't the smallest either. I honestly believed had I had the courage to look up towards the ceiling, there probably would have been flour up there as well. The floor was dusted in white, the counters were sprinkled with dry and wet flour. The stove had two skillets going and I could see the oven light was on as well. There were halved egg shells discarded in a bowl and second empty bowl with mixed up egg yolks and spices. By the stove there was a large silver metal bowl which housed, what I could only assume was pancake mix. It looked like Paige had added strawberries and chocolate chips to the batter because on the griddle pan the non-uniformly shaped patched were speckled with red and brown. Aside from the horrendous, but yet endearing sight, the whole room smelled like bacon and coffee. My mouth had begun watering the moment I opened the bedroom door as the aroma had traveled throughout the house. I stood in the doorway and just watched her. She had her hair pulled back in a messy bun, but there were a few stray strands that found their way out of the hold and they shaped the front of her face. She had on her pajamas from the night before, but over the tank top and boxer shorts, she was wearing a Wizard of Oz apron that almost looked hand-sewn. I smiled as that was just one more thing that she and I had in common naturally. She had told me she had watched the old movies with her grandma and those were some of the exact same movies I had on repeat as a kid… heck, even as a teen.

My gaze trailed down the rest of her body -she was barefoot, her toes tapping on the hardwood floor as she worked her magic on the stove. Even though I didn't allow my gaze to rest too long, I didn't fail to notice that she actually had the most perfect legs of anyone I had ever seen. They were long, slender, and muscular. I could see the muscles move underneath the skin as her feet moved under her. It was only as I noticed her feet moving more than they were that I realize she was dancing – albeit in place, but still, dancing. I couldn't help my eyes as they traveled back up her form and rested on her moving hips. I wondered what she heard – well that's a poor choice of word s - or rather what she was thinking about as she moved her hips gently from side to side. I wondered if she could remember the melody of music to songs she once loved or what the music she felt now translated into in her brain. Did she feel it the same way I did? When I had the earplugs in, I could still hear the music even though I was disregarding the sound and only focusing on the vibrations.

"Hey!" The greeting pulled me out of my trance. I beamed up at her happily and noticed the hearing aid in her ear.

"It smells delicious," I replied bypassing all "goodmorning's" and all attempts to sign.

She laughed. "I have a bunch of football players coming over to eat breakfast." She confirmed with a small giggle negating her lie.

I walked over to her and kissed the side of her head before giving her hip a small, playful bump with mine. I signed "need – help?" She shook her head. I replied by signing "help clean [that]" indicated the huge mess over the main counter by the sink. She simply rolled her eyes and signed "sure".

Within minutes, Paige pulled out the bacon and began serving up three pancakes to each of us, along with 3 pieces of bacon, and a heap of cheesy eggs to each plate. She set the plates down on the counter I had just cleaned before pulling out a blender and grabbing the coffee pot from my hand. "Trust me, this is not something you want to drink straight." She insisted before grabbing sugar, milk, chocolate, and some ice out of the ice maker. She blended all the ingredients with one cup of coffee – which she indicated was double strength, and then put an equal amount into two tall classes before topping both off with whipped cream and a drizzle of chocolate.

"Damn… royal treatment over here," I smiled.

"Anything for you." She replied sincerely.

I don't know why I was surprised that Paige ate the entire plate, but I was. I was completely shocked that she had downed every single last bit of food on her plate and then finished my pancake when I couldn't. I contemplated whether it was a psychological thing carrying over from when she was a kid and didn't know when she would eat next, or if she was simply just a boy in a girl's body. All I could do was shake my head. I was completely full and she seemed quite content still picking at my leftovers.

"Thank you for breakfast. You didn't have to let me sleep. I would have made breakfast with you."

"I like cooking. It's relaxing to me, not to mention it's something I'm immensely good at," she smiled mischievously.

"What aren't you good at?" I quizzed only halfway joking.

"Checkers. I can never win at checkers," she answered as straight faced as she possible could.

I rolled my eyes at her and began grabbing things off the table and headed to the kitchen.

It took about 90 minutes to clean up all of Paige's mess and I could only imagine how many times Aunt Kathy had come in and seen the messes Paige had to have inevitably made. However, Paige hadn't been lying – she was an amazing cook, there was no doubt about it. Messy, but very good.

"So, what are we doing today?" I was finally able to ask putting the last dish into the dishwasher and turning it on as Paige threw away the last paper towel she had used to dry off the counters.

"Well, here's a question… how much homework do you have?" she questioned me.

"Enough, but I can get it done tomorrow."

"Are you sure?" she questioned seriously, signing as she spoke.

"Positive. I have some algebra and just a paper to write aside from reading. Nothing major. Definitely a Sunday itinerary. Why? What's up?"

"Okay, well if you are sure… We're going to play a little game."

"A game?"

She nodded. "I'm going to sign and you are going to guess where we are going. I'm going to sign everything I can, except the word. And the only way I will tell you if you are right or wrong with your answer, is if you fingerspell it," she explained as we migrated to her room and took a seat on the bed.

"Okay," I replied very unsure of how this was going to go.

She was silent as she signed "ready" and "start".

She signed various words that I knew and some that I didn't recognize. I did pick up on "sun", "warm", "wind", "salt", and "fun". However, when she signed the word for water – by make a W with her right hand, turning it sideways and putting the W up by her chin and touching her chin 3 times, I immediately shrieked and my hand fumbled as I tried to remember how to not only sign the letters, but as I tried to remember how to actually spell the word beach. After two tries – I was so embarrassed, Paige smiled brightly and her face simply lit up.

"Sound okay?"

"Okay?" I exaggerated the word. "I haven't been to the beach yet."

"I know. I wanted to fix that."

My face fell for a moment as I realized the one issue with going to the beach – I'd need a swim suit and the only one I had was my team suit.

"I already know what you are thinking and before we head down, we are going to stop at my favorite little store – it's not expensive – and get you a suit. I knew you'd need one and if you don't have the money, I got it."

"No, no, I have the money."

"Okay, just making sure. I have the money set aside in case you didn't. Wasn't going to push us to go thinking you'd have it. It's my idea," she replied. She seemed so chivalrous. But that did strike up another question.

"May I ask you something probably completely inappropriate?"

She looked at me funny but still nodded.

"How do you always have extra cash? I mean, I've got some, but you have so much it's almost as if you have a job, but you don't work."

"Is that all?" she asked in relief. "It's simple. I tutor."

"Tutor?"

"Hell yes. I do it unofficially, but around here, if you can tutor even the simplest things – basic math or basic algebra, some rich families will pay you a lot of money to help their kids pass. I tutor a bunch in the summer- a huge group of deaf students in math and algebra, and I help tutor for the high schools in chemistry, biology, and physics. In the summer I made about $1600 a month, maybe more. Actually, no. Definitely more. Anyway, I tutor so much in the summer so I can enjoy my year. Aunt Kathy doesn't require me to pay for rent. I pay for my phone, my insurance, and I help to buy supplies around the house. But I also get full financial aid because I'm over 18 and because my mom lost custody, I'm considered independent. So I have my scholarship for school, a scholarship for my brain injury, and all the federal/state grants. I have a lot of it saved up, in fact, mostly all of it is saved up, but I still earn money by tutoring."

"Wow. I wish I was smart enough to do that!"

"You could come with me? I have a client next week that I'm tutoring their son, who is deaf, in Geometry, and their daughter needs help in 7th grade math. You're doing well with College Algebra, you should be just fine with the 7th grade stuff. I can talk to them and bring you with me? They meet me at the library just off campus and it's only for an hour twice a week but they pay me $45 for their son and they were going to pay me $40 for their daughter."

"To teach her 7th grade math?!" I exclaimed.

She nodded. "Yep. And their daughter is hearing. So it'd be a perfect match and I wouldn't have to be there all day. Plus, the best part is, I'd still get to spend time with you," she concluded making my heart flutter without even trying.

I could only nod and say "yes please." Eighty dollars a week was insane! Especially for only two hours. I knew it wasn't guaranteed, but Paige had something there. No one could accuse her of not utilizing her abilities that was for sure.

We ran around her room and got changed. I hadn't brought shorts, but I was so thankful that Paige was willing to lend me a pair of hers that she deemed were "just a tad too short on her, but completely perfect on me". She packed her book bag with everything from sunscreen and suntan lotion, to towels, a hair brush, and extra hair ties (just in case). She reminded me of a boy scout – always be prepared. She even grabbed out her designated case for her hearing aid – which I had never seen before – and put it in the bag for safe keeping.

"Going to be about 15 minutes to get to the store and then about 20-25 minutes from there to get to the beach," Paige explained.

"Where are we going?"

"Oh that's the fun part," she insisted.

I looked at her puzzled.

"It's one of my favorite LA Beaches. A lot of people think it's overrated, but I have a feeling you will love it," she confirmed before putting her finger up indicating for me to wait and went over to one end table and grabbed a small digital camera, the two charging battery packs off of a nearby outlet, and a small carrying case. "We will want to take pictures of this, I promise you."

I laughed at her enthusiasm. "Paige, where are we going?" I asked and attempted to sign as we headed out the door knowing full well she wouldn't be able to decipher each word that I spoke.

She stopped me just before I reached the bike and turned me around before showing me her dominant sign hand. She began spelling out the letters "s-a-n-t-a" she paused and then began again "m-o-n-i-c-a", "p-i-e-r".

My eyes must have lit up, because hers reflected my excitement as I shrieked in anticipation. The pier was the one place my mom and I wanted to go, but we didn't have the time to. I had no idea how Paige knew I wanted to go, but this was surely going to be one of the best Saturday's in my book.


	8. Chapter 8

"Paige, no!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

Regardless of how hard I tried to fight her, I felt myself getting pulled under the cold saltwater – head and all. We both surfaced after the small wave passed us and I playfully swatted water at her. We had been wrestling and playing in the water for a good 90 minutes before Paige had made the decision to play "shark" and continue dunking me under the water.

Just as she planned, we had gone to her favorite clothing store and I was able to find a bright purple and blue bikini. I ended up finding the closest bathroom within the mall and simply changed there so that was one less thing I would have to do when we got to the beach. Her bike allowed for an easier parking space close to the pier. I had wanted to go straight up and get lost in the craziness of the street artists, small amusement park, and arcades, but she promised that as it got later in the day, it would only get better so we decided to set up 'camp' on a quiet area of the park. When I began pulling the towels out of the bag and setting them down on the warm sand, Paige began taking off her outer clothes. I caught a glimpse of her out of the corner of my eye and had to do a double take. I had seen her in the team swim suit consistently, and I had even seen her half-way change, but the way the black and white tank and hipster bottoms contrasted with her skin… it was stunning. The color contrasted with her skin perfectly and as my gaze trailed up and down her lithe form – which at that point was crouched by one of the towels getting ready to spread out - my mouth went dry.

After serious hours of sun tanning – rotating occasionally – we both decided it was time to hit the water. It was probably the most relaxing day I'd had in such a long time. Paige had taken her hearing aid out as soon as we got to the beach, so I had the perfect opportunity to show off how much I had been practicing away from her and learning on my own. Early the previous week I had found a website called Hand-Speak which had an ASL dictionary. Every night before bed, I had decided to learn at least 5 new words. I wanted to prove to Paige that I was in this – whatever this was. I knew she felt the chemistry that I did – that connection, but neither of us had talked about it. Then again, we'd only been spending time with each other for a week, but it had undoubtedly been the best week ever. I wanted to see where this led – and if was only a friendship, then at least I knew I'd have the best friend anyone, anywhere could ever have and every single person on the planet would be jealous of my friendship with Paige. This was a girl who was so strong but so full of life. She was an inspiration. She was against the stereotype and I was so proud to be her friend.

I knew I had found myself wanting to protect her and I even had found myself wondering what it would be like to kiss her. My most favorite moments were when we were just cuddled against each other. No pressure, no expectations. I had had a boyfriend in high school and there was always this pressure. I always felt that he wanted more- wanted to go further. One day when we were making out on my couch, he put his hand up my shirt and I nearly levitated from the couch. I knew that he honestly was just testing the waters and in no way shape or form wanted me to be uncomfortable, but from that moment on, I seriously began contemplating what had happened with me. I liked Ben. He was relatively a good guy. I mean sure, when he got around all of his friends he could be a little jerky, but when it was just us two, he genuinely cared.

I remember the first time I started thinking that I was gay. I was channel surfing and I saw two girls kissing. One looked like she was Latina or really dark Italian and the other was blonde and had wavy hair about to her chin. They were talking and then the blonde kissed the dark haired girl. It didn't go any further, but my brain started lighting up at every angle. I had actually been turned on. I realized the show was Grey's Anatomy and so after that, I began watching every single episode along with trying to find any movies or TV shows with lesbians in them. I didn't know if I was gay, I just knew that I liked what I saw and that what I saw made me feel better about myself. Still, I had never kissed a girl and I hadn't even been attracted to any girls, until Paige.

I began waving my arms at a very proud and smug looking Paige, trying to signal to her that I was done. It didn't matter how hard I tried to stop her, she always kept dunking me before I was able to dunk her. She laughed at my exaggerated movements and motioned for us to begin swimming back to shore. We began stepping back onto the visible sand, but I stopped about mid-step and touched her arm. She turned around quickly and I pointed downwards. Lying at my feet was one of the most perfect seashells I had ever seen. She reached down and picked it up before scraping some sand off of it and asking me if I liked it by signing. I nodded and she motioned for me to 'come on' as she began running towards the towels and bag. It took me a minute to catch up with her, but by the time I reached our space, she was already rummaging through the book bag for something.

"Ahh! YES! I didn't forget it!" She exclaimed standing back up.

I looked at her completely confused before she showed me a small mesh-like bag. She opened it and slid the one sea shell in it before signing to me "want to-find more you-me?"

I nodded enthusiastically and she reached down and grabbed the camera case as well before putting both of our wallets and keys in it. "Everything else can be replaced," she explained to me. I reached out to take the camera case, but she declined already putting it over herself, the strap crossing her chest.

We walked along the beach for a good mile picking up every unique seashell we could find. I loved walking in the shallow water – the coolness never touching higher than my ankles. The Pacific Ocean was everything I had imagined it would be. I finally felt like I was in California. It was sunny and warm and the water was exquisite. There was nothing better in the world. By the time we finally got back to our things, the entire mesh bag was filled with different types of shells, big and small.

We decided to finally go up to their pier when I heard Paige's stomach growl. It always amazed me at how she was never full – ever. She could eat a gigantic steak dinner – the works, and in 2 hours be wanting ice cream. So for her to not have eaten for hours and to hear her stomach growl, I knew it was for the best if we got some grub. The pier was chalk full of activities and little places to eat. Paige dragged me to the Pier Burger and gave me specific instructions to eat enough to sustain me, but not enough that I wouldn't be hungry in a few hours because there was a special place she wanted to take me to for dessert. Granted, it was only about 3:30pm, so I didn't think that would be a problem.

Paige, true to form, got a double pier burger with bacon and pickles and I got a regular pier burger. She wanted to splurge and buy the pound of fries, but eventually she saw reason and we split the ½ lb which was more than enough. Paige loved this little place because they would put bacon on anything. She told me one time she came and got a hot dog with bacon. The sound of it made my stomach churn a bit, so I quickly changed the subject. I would seriously have hated to see that girl at a buffet of any kind. We sat on a bench that faced the open water and ate our lunch. I had to admit, the burger was pretty damn good. It was greasy, but it was good.

"So," Paige asked, "what are you doing 2 weeks from now?"

"Hopefully spending time with you, why?"

"Good answer."

Thankfully Paige had put her hearing aid in when we went up to the pier. I was able to talk while still trying to down my burger without having to figure out how to sign with burger juice running down my hand.

"Why?" I quizzed.

"My birthday is October 12th. On the 11th, Aunt Kathy was talking about having a small party at the house. It's going to be a bunch of old people, and I was really hoping you could be there. Aunt Kathy tries, but it's harder now that all my old friends left for school."

"I wouldn't miss it."

"Yea?"

"Of course. Where else would I be?"

Paige smiled at my straightforwardness. I hadn't meant to be so assertive with my speech, but it was the truth. There was nowhere else I'd rather be.

We sat for a little bit just watching the waves and the people, we decided to go over to the other side of the pier to a small amusement area – Pacific Park. There was a Ferris Wheel, a pitfall, and a rollercoaster among other small rides. Paige seemed to be fearless as she bought us both admission and dragged me into the rollercoaster line. She took her hearing aid off and indicated to me that it would probably be off for most of the fast rides. She took care of that thing more than any other woman would take care of a diamond ring – and rightfully so. When we finally reached the bumper cars, we probably went on them half a dozen times. I ended up getting a small taste of Paige's competitive nature. She would drive her car around to the back of me and before I could get turned around, she'd wham her red car into my blue one with a wide devilish grin and a maniacal laugh.

I finally got her off the bumper cars and I coaxed her into going onto the Ferris Wheel with me. She was terrified by the time we got to the top. From the way she was fearless on any other ride, I figured this one would be the easiest. She then proceeded to tell me that the slowness of the ride freaked her out, but that being up above everything and everyone with just me beside her, made her feel like she was the luckiest girl in the world. I grabbed her hand and held it in mine. She didn't make a move to retract her hand. We just sat there, comfortably, enjoying the gorgeous day and each other in our own little world where nothing could taint us.

We continued to goof around at the park until the sun started going down. It was then, that Paige dragged me to Soda Jerks –the ice cream/soda parlor that she had been talking about almost non-stop for an hour prior. It was an old-fashioned looking ice cream shop that made their own soda and their own ice cream. We sat in a booth, side by side eating a gigantic banana split – no pineapple, extra strawberries when a gay couple came in with their two kids. The two guys were very well kept and the kids were absolutely adorable. I looked at the sight with a smile and then noticed something oddly familiar. The taller male crouched down to the one child who was sitting in a Lightening McQueen stroller and began manipulating his hands in a motion I was all too familiar. The child was probably about 4 years old and was signing back to the dad, his small fingers made it hard for me to distinguish exactly what he was saying from my point of view.

I felt like I was being watched, and so I turned my head and found Paige gazing at me with a smile.

"What?"

"You are so fascinated by them."

"I guess I just didn't realize that kids would have to be taught the language at such a young age," I admitted.

"Well if they can't hear, then sign is the only way they can communicate."

"True, but the guy doesn't seem like he is deaf. But he is so willing to adapt for his son. It gives me hope that there are still good people out there. I mean with everything that happened with you and what you hear on the news…" I trailed off hoping not to have upset her.

"You were willing to adapt for me," Paige stated factually.

"You are worth it," I replied without missing a beat and shrugging my shoulders.

"Emily?" Paige called getting my attention back.

I turned towards her once again, this time shifting my body slightly to give her my full undivided attention.

"Hmm?"

"I like you."

I beamed in delight. "I like you too."

Nothing more was said that night. It didn't have to be. It wasn't a confession of love or undeniable lust. It was just a simple statement – one that could be taken a hundred and two ways, but each of us knew how the other meant it. We didn't need anything more. Whatever this was, it was new to me and I was pretty sure it was new to her. We didn't care to rush because the quicker you do things, the more likely you are to make a mistake. We simply enjoyed whatever it is that we had in whatever way we could. There was no pressure, no promises, no confines. It was easy. It was natural.

After finishing our banana split, we spent the next hour or so watching the sun set over the horizon being sure to take one final picture of us as the sun was setting. We had taken pictures at various times throughout the day – some of them with us being goofy and others of us smiling. I had had a blast being with Paige all day. On our way back towards the beginning of the pier, Paige stopped by this one vendor selling hemp bracelets. I had always wanted one – I thought they were 'so California', but I had never really seen anyone wear them. I picked up a plain white one but Paige guided my attention to a different kind of bracelet that had letters embedded into the fabric. Paige told the vendor that she wanted two - one with the name Emily and one with name Paige. The older woman began working diligently on the request and 30 minutes later Paige and I both had our own bracelets. Mine was a deep shade of purple with light purple lettering and Paige's was a bright blue with white lettering. Before I could put mine on, she shook her head and said "no". Instead of putting my bracelet on me, she put the bracelet with her name on my wrist and vice versa.

"Because I like you," she confirmed.

The girl had the strangest ways of proclaiming things, but I absolutely adored it. Every time I would look down at my wrist, I'd remember the deep friendship that was building and the one girl who had been changing my life one hand motion at a time.

On the ride home, I had time to think and my mind kept going back to the little boy with his dad. I could only imagine it would be hard for a parent- for an entire family – to change and do things differently because a child of theirs was born or became deaf. There had to be a way to help make that transition easier for the family and the child. I wasn't sure where those thoughts were taking me, but on that relaxing motorcycle ride home I made the decision to talk with my advisor. I finally felt like I possibly had found my passion


	9. Chapter 9

**Grab lunch with me?**

The text came through just as I sat down in the advising office.

_Where are you?_

**Just leaving Dr. Sanchez's office. Wanted to get something cleared up in Trig. So lunch?**

_Everything okay in Trig? And I'd love to do lunch, but I'm tied up at the moment._

**Yea it's fine. One of his homework problems seemed off to me. Needless to say, he made a typo. Go me. I got extra credit. And… Ok. Was just hoping to see you. :(**

_Hey, none of that. Come sit with me. I'm at Murphy Hall. We'll grab lunch after I get out of here. If I ever get out of here._

**Why are you at Murphy Hall?**

_Advising. Needed to get some things straightened out._

**Is everything okay, Em? I thought you were undecided until next year?**

_Things are more than perfect. I got some things figured out and I wanted to get things taken care of officially. So just come sit with me. There's a long wait. I think I'm going to be here forever._

**Be there in 10.**

I was very thankful that I put my phone on vibrate the moment I came into the office. I had contemplated declaring a major most of the week, especially after talking to Julie on Sunday. Saturday night turned into Sunday morning – Paige and I stayed up all night talking and only finally made it to bed around 5am to be woken up be her aunt at 8am to tell us we needed to get up and dressed because we were having Sunday breakfast with Julie at 9:30. Paige and I rushed to get showers and to look even halfway presentable. It took us until the end of breakfast to realize that she had on a pair of my jeans and I had on hers. It didn't matter to either of us, though. Over the past week we had ended up, somehow, with each other's clothes. I had stolen one of her sleep shirts and kept it with me at the dorm. It was just much more comfortable than any of mine were.

Breakfast was great - it was so natural and easy, and not to mention the food was spot on. Watching how Paige, Julie, and Aunt Kathy interacted - how they talked, while eating was so interesting. Seeing everyone together really started teaching my about deaf culture. I was able to see how Julie got Aunt Kathy's attention from across the table. As a hearing person, we are taught that waving a hand in someone's face is considered rude, but apparently, that is one acceptable way to get a deaf person's attention. Everything was so different compared to what I was accustomed to, but it was a good different. It wasn't monotonous. I learned a lot about eye contact too. When someone spoke (or signed), everyone stopped what they were doing and put all their attention on that one person. I never realized that hearing people always were distracted by other things, but the more time I spent with Paige and Aunt Kathy, the more I realized that other people really DO get distracted and they divert eye contact. It was a strange interaction to get used to, but even in the week and a half that I've been in this world, I've noticed I've gotten irritated with people looking away from me when I was talking to them.

After breakfast I was able to talk with Julie while trying to sign most of what I was saying. I told her that I wanted to take ASL as a language and she invited me to sign up for it for next semester. Since she taught her, all I would have to do was email her during my registration and she would give me a permission code to enter the class. She told me that she was fairly well impressed with my signing skills as they were and that perhaps by my second semester in ASL I would be able to be one of her in-house tutors for the beginning classes. She asked me what my major was and I told her I was undecided, so she gave me her cell number and told me to call her or stop by her office any time if I needed to chat about my goals in life. Wednesday afternoon – when Paige was at her therapy session – I did just that.

On Monday, I had emailed Julie to set up the time and when Wednesday came, I went to her office and explained to her what I saw Saturday evening when Paige and I were at Santa Monica. I told her I wasn't sure exactly what path I wanted to take, but I knew that I wanted to help kids who were deaf and families who were dealing with that struggle. Paige told me how isolated she felt those few years until Kathy came along and I thought that…maybe I could help someone else. Julie and I talked for about an hour about the different ways I could accomplish what I wanted to. I told her that I had gone with Paige to help tutor one of her usual client's other children who was hearing. The tutoring sessions were amazing, and the mom was so ecstatic that Paige was able to bring me. Their daughter was wonderful and we clicked instantly. Mrs. Clayton told me that I was invited back to tutor Casey the two times a week that Paige tutored Brandon. I told Julie that I loved helping Casey so much that one day, when I started signing at more than just a beginner level that I'd love to start tutoring deaf kids as well. Julie applauded me on my immediate ambitions and said that when it came to that point, she'd be more than happy to help me find that inlet.

The conversation between Julie and I opened my eyes to a world of possibility and I made the decision to declare a dual major in Psychology and Social Work with a minor in Deaf Studies. I had emailed Julie again on Wednesday night to talk over my plan with her. She advised that the combination would be insanely difficult, but that if my heart was in the right place, then I would have no trouble accomplishing it. I hadn't discussed it with my parents, but I knew I'd be at Paige's over the weekend and so my plan was to video chat with them and Paige. I wanted them to meet her, at least somewhat, and I wanted to tell them all about this adventure when I could see them. I always made a habit of calling my mom once a day. As independent as I was, deep down I was a mama's girl and I knew it. Many times our conversations would only last 10-15 minutes, but I wanted to have the proper time to sit with her and talk. I hadn't mentioned this to Paige yet, but it was on the agenda.

For the past week it seemed like all Paige, Hanna, and I did was study when Paige and I weren't in the pool. We had made it a habit to have Paige stay at the dorm on Monday and Wednesday evenings after she and I got back to campus from tutoring Casey and Brandon so she could help Hanna with her math homework. Tutoring Casey had been a blast. It was easier than I had expected and Mrs. Clayton had given me $40 per session. That was some big money to me, considering I hadn't had any cash flow. It wasn't that I was running out of money, because I wasn't. My parents and I budgeted my money strictly for each month and I had more than enough to cover anything I could possibly want or need. My parents helped by only putting my allotted amount in my checking account each month – a decision we had made to ensure my reasonable spending. However, additional cash flow was always nice.

On Wednesdays, Paige seemed to have a very busy schedule on Wednesdays, first with therapy and then with tutoring the Claytons, so we only hit the pool in the morning. We knew we should make the time, but we decided that we would substitute Saturday mornings in for Wednesday evenings and we would be just fine. When Hanna and Paige finished working on College Algebra, Paige climbed up on my bed and we always lay together the same way – heads both at the foot of the bed and our legs slightly tangled near the headboard. We always butted our shoulders against each other, or if we changed positions, we always ended up touching in some manner. Hanna kept looking over at us on Wednesday night – like she knew that something changed between the two of us, but she didn't say anything, though she caught my eye more than one. Even if she would have asked, I couldn't tell her because I wouldn't know what to say. Paige and I both knew that we were changing with each other, but since our admission to one another on Saturday, neither of us spoke about it again.

"Hey!" Paige beamed slapping my knee lightly before sitting down after I moved my book bag out of the way.

I signed to her "what's up?"

She shook her head. "So you never did tell me what you were doing here."

Paige and I had continued into the rhythm of signing everything we spoke. It wasn't so much a conscious choice for me anymore to sign while talking to her, it just came naturally. It almost felt wrong not to sign when she was in the room. I didn't know all the grammar, but I was learning more and more words as I had stayed true to my "5 new words a day" goal.

"I'm declaring a major."

"That's fantastic! What are you doing?"

"Well," I began, "I talked to Julie yesterday. I made an appointment and talked to her. I decided that I want to work with deaf kids."

Paige's face lit up as the corners of her mouth turned upwards.

"After seeing those two dads with that deaf baby boy at Soda Jerks, I kept thinking that maybe I could help. It must be hard on both the kid and the parents. It must be harder if happens as a result of an accident or an illness. I mean, you've shown me that. I don't know what exactly what I want to do with it, but I do know that I want to help. I want to contribute. So I decided to dual major in Educational Psychology and Social Work and I'm declaring a minor in Deaf Studies. I'm registering for ASL for the Spring and Julie said that next fall she may let me be her in-house tutor, "I concluded.

Paige went verbally quiet as she signed "seriously?"

I recognized the tear in her eye, but I didn't give it away that I knew. I nodded. "I just…I want to help."

Thankfully the last student in the room, aside from the two of us, was called in, so I could get a bit more personal with what I wanted to say.

"Paige, you have opened up this whole world to me. When I came here, I had no idea what I wanted to do. It's going to be hard, but it's going to be so worth it. This is not something I expected, but I haven't been able to stop thinking about that little kid. And then, with you and me… It's just something that feels right. If feels like if I weren't to do this, I'd be denying myself something. I don't know what I can do, but I want to do something."

She beamed at me like I just said the best thing in the world.

"Are you sure? It's not going to be easy."

"I've never been surer of anything in my life. And I don't want easy. I want passion. I want to do something I love and I want to make a difference."

"You already have made a difference, Emily. You've made a difference to me."

I smiled and thought I'd change the subject before this conversation got too intense and then we got interrupted.

"And I have a favor to ask of you."

"What?" she asked.

"I want to video chat with my parents this weekend… and I want you to meet them…well, as best as you can through video chat. I want to tell them about this adventure, but I want to tell them about it with the person I'm on the adventure with. "

"Emily," she said grabbing one of my hands. "I would love to meet your parents."

I beamed and just then the advisor called me in. I motioned Paige to follow and for the next 30 minutes I explained my small story about what I'd gone through in the short amount of time since being in Los Angeles and what I had decided I wanted to do. We went over the guidelines, requirements, and internship requirements for graduation. I knew it would be a stretch, but like Julie told me – if my heart was in the right place, I'd be okay. I'd be more than okay. This was my adventure. I never truly knew what I wanted to do with my life, but Los Angeles and Paige changed that. I wouldn't just be dreaming of being like one of the women I admired so much in the movies, but I would actually be one of those strong women if I tried hard enough. Maybe I could change some kid's life the way Paige changed mine.

Thursday night practice was anything but easy going. Coach had us swimming intensely, in fact, she had us swimming so intensely that I had suspected she was PMS-ing. Paige and I were the first in the water and the last to leave. We drove each other to be faster and faster – to go longer and longer without taking a break. We gave it everything we had and in the end and finally Coach called us out of the pool before she left and told us that "whatever we were doing, keep it up." Apparently, we were the two in the freshman set who showed the most charisma and the most improvement in the month that we had been practicing. She told us if we kept it up, we may just outdo some of the upperclassmen and find ourselves a spot in some of the more prestigious relays.

Overall, it had been a good day and it was Thursday, which meant that on Friday I would be at Paige's for the weekend. It had become an unspoken yet assumed routine and one that both of us had grown accustomed to. We crashed into each other's worlds and both of our lives changed, but that was okay. Paige made me want to be the best person I could be. She made me want to be better, to live life to the absolute fullest and to use my time to help those that I could. I never expected my passion to be in deaf culture, but it was and the only thing I could do was run with it – wherever it may lead me. This was just something I had to do and I could only hope my parents would be proud of me when I told them over the weekend.

I had mentioned to my mom about Paige before. She knew Paige was becoming a close friend, but I didn't exactly mention she was deaf. I wasn't sure why I didn't mention it, but possibly just because it hadn't come up or maybe because I wasn't sure how to explain all the details – like how we communicate. I knew it was stupid, but I wanted to share this amazing thing with them face to face and I was absolutely delighted that Paige agreed to video chat with us over the weekend. All I could hope is that my parents would be proud that I found my passion and I was running with it. My parents always supported me no matter what and I could only hope that would carry on. If Paige and I acted like we always did, I knew my mom would suspect that there was more between us than just platonic friends. That was another small concern as parents were very conservative, but I had faith in my parents that they would love me no matter what and so I wasn't going to hide anything. Paige and I weren't exactly platonic, but we weren't not platonic either. We were us. Paige and Emily. Emily and Paige. And however that was defined, that is what we were.

As I lay in bed Thursday night, before I drifted off to sleep I remembered something Paige told me while we were walking along the Santa Monica beach.

"You rarely ever find the two unique halves to a seashell. They break apart in the water and the other half could be anywhere. You find some that are similar and maybe some that you could force to fit. But it is impossible to find two that are a complete match for one another."

I knew that with all the impossibilities in the world, with all the odds against a single sea shell, I had found the match to mine.


	10. Chapter 10

Ow!"

"You're mine now, Fields!"

"Paige! Stop tickling me!" I laughed uncontrollably. I kept trying to sign "parents", but she wouldn't let me have my hands free.

What had started off as us cleaning up dinner, ended up with her pinning me down on the couch tickling me halfway to death. I have to admit, I probably deserved it. Just as we finished dishes, I caught her off guard and used the kitchen's spray nozzle and sprayed her in the gut, effectively soaking her shirt. I laughed knowing full well that I caught her off guard and so I sprayed her again, only this time a little higher so the water sprayed all over her chest. Well, apparently, that was the wrong thing to do.

Paige was a lot calmer than I expected as she took her hearing aid off and headed towards the living room. Confused, I followed. I thought I would have gotten _some_ type of reaction and so at the point where she just walked away, I was seriously contemplating on whether or not I had seriously pissed her off. I didn't expect she'd be a person to get pissed off at something like that, but I was still getting to know her better. Maybe I had crossed a line? Maybe it brought back memories of her mom? I couldn't be sure. I was absolutely terrified that I had caused her pain in some way and so tentatively I passed the wall that separated the kitchen from the living room. However, I wasn't ready for what hit me, and what hit me, was Paige.

She had simply been hiding against the wall to where I couldn't see her and when I walked out into the open space, she scooped me up and threw me over her shoulder swiftly before playfully dropping me on the couch and tickling me. She had straddled my hips and grabbed both of my hands with one of hers, not relenting as I fought back with everything I had. I shrieked and laughed as I kicked and screamed, but she refused to give in. Minutes had passed and we were both breathing heavily and laughing uncontrollably. I knew that she couldn't hear me as I had seen her take off her hearing aid, but that didn't mean she didn't understand that I was trying to get her off of me.

I freed one hand and kept trying to sign "parents", but she had reclaimed my hand and continued wiggling her fingers on my ribs. I continued to kick and try to shriek, but it didn't matter. I never figured Paige was stronger than me, but I had been effectively proven wrong. I tried to gain a better vantage, but to no avail. Paige completely overtook me and she was using it against me. Finally, after I was completely out of breath, she sat up on her knees and signed "Finished?"

I nodded.

"you-say-sorry"

I signed "sorry"

"Sign-better" she looked at me with a devilish grin wiggling her fingers in the direction of my ribs.

I sat up as much as I could – which was very little as I was pinned down by her weight.

"I sorry p-a-i-g-e. Please forgive me?"

She nodded her head in approval before moving off of me completely and swiftly grabbing her hearing aid off the bookshelf where she set it minutes before. I laughed, still trying to recover before noticing the time as I grabbed my computer out of my bookbag and set it up.

"We're going to be late!" I scolded Paige as she just shrugged her shoulders.

"You shouldn't have sprayed me," she said walking into her room for a brief moment.

I opened Skype and waited for my parents to get on. Thankfully, I had still opened Skype before they got on. I hated making them wait, especially when I made the plans. Within a few moments, Paige reentered the living room in a clean tank top. It took me a minute to regain my thoughts as all I noticed for a few brief seconds were the exposed muscles of her arms and the exposed bit of cleavage that was completely visible to me the nearer she got. Paige had a fabulous body, that was inarguable and on top of that, she was completely modest about it. However, over the past week, I swore she would wear things that she knew accented certain features because when she would wear those things, she'd catch my eye and give me a certain look. I couldn't pinpoint the look, but it told me she knew I was looking.

We had all determined that it would be best if we chatted about 7pm PST so then it would only be 9pm EST as the clocks hadn't rolled back yet- though I was so looking forward to that extra hour of sleep. School was already kicking my rear end and we were just barely into October. However, I wanted to make sure we were able to get online at a decent time because I didn't want either side being too tired to communicate effectively because I knew the complications that could be tied into it. Paige grabbed a seat on the couch by me, and just in time, as my computer made a ringing sound and flashed telling me I had an incoming video call.

"Hey Mom!" I said as the screen populated showing my mom sitting at our kitchen table.

"Hi Emily!"

"Where's Dad?"

"I'm right here Emy," he said sitting down beside my mom.

"How's school sweetheart?" my mom asked.

"It's good. Really good actually. I'll tell you a bit more in a minute. But first," I motioned for Paige to scoot closer to me. "I want to introduce you to Paige."

I began signing as I was talking to the surprise of my parents when I mentioned introducing Paige.

"Mom, Dad, this is Paige. Paige, this is my mom and dad"

"Hi Mr. and Mrs. Fields. I'm Paige," she said politely.

"Nice to meet you dear," my mom said happily as she watched me sign to Paige what she had said.

"Emy? Why are you moving your hands so much? Are you doing sign language?" my dad asked me curiously.

I signed what my dad had said to Paige.

Paige and I talked earlier about the video chat. Since Skype was sometimes pixelated and since sometimes the voice would lag, it would be more difficult for her to understand everything my parents said. I decided at that moment that I would just try to sign everything they said – even if she understood from being able to hear or read their lips. I wanted the practice and it would be a good ice-breaker into the subject.

"Well, yes, actually. That's what I wanted to talk to you about so badly, but I didn't want to tell you over the phone in our 10 minute phone calls. Paige is deaf."

Paige confirmed my statement by nodding head.

"She's on the swim team and she is working towards medical school. She's seriously smarter than Spencer. But anyways, since we've been I've been learning to sign and I'm getting really good at it. I actually went to advising yesterday to set a major."

My parents just smiled and me and listened while I continued. My mom seemed amazed at my hand movements, and I smiled internally.

"I decided to dual major in Education Psychology and Social Work and minor in Deaf Studies. After meeting Paige, I realized that I really want to help the deaf community – especially kids. I am taking ASL in the Spring. The professor is Paige's friend's mom and she told me that because I'm already signing so well that by the time I'm in my second semester, I may be able to help her teach or be her to-go-to tutor for the other students."

"Wow, Emily." My mom spoke first.

"Emy, I am so proud of you," my dad interjected.

I smiled over at Paige and gave her a little shoulder to shoulder nudge.

"You two have no idea how Paige has helped me see what I want to do. She is seriously the strongest person I've ever met and I'm actually tutoring with her. She tutors and one of her clients has a hearing kid and so I'm teaching Casey some basic math and some reading comprehension. Basically, I help her with her homework. It's so awesome."

"That is fantastic honey. We're so proud of you."

"So Paige," my dad asked. "Emily said you want to go into medicine?"

"Yes sir," she confirmed with a nod. "I am a Biochemistry major and I want to go into pediatrics. I'm actually contemplating pediatric surgery."

I just looked at her. I knew she wanted to go into medicine, but she hadn't told me she wanted to go into pediatrics or pediatric surgery. The moment I didn't think Paige could get any more inspiring, there she went… becoming more amazing with each breath. She seemed like she wouldn't stop until she crashed through any and every barrier or stereotype that could ever possibly be put on her. No one could accuse her of having no drive.

The conversation went on for about another hour. It was comfortable and my parents were very taken by Paige. They actually started talking to her more than they talked to me, which made my insides warm, but also a tad jealous. However, I brushed that off because I knew they didn't mean anything by it – they weren't intentionally ignoring me. I was genuinely elated that my parents seemed to like Paige so much.

My parents continued to ask Paige questions about her family, why she decided to go into medicine, and why she chose UCLA. Paige was classy as ever – answering their questions fully while still being vague on the details of the most intimate part of her life. They asked her how her classes were going and then out of nowhere my mom started asking her how to sign certain words. So there we sat at 8pm having an impromptu sign lesson with my mom on the other side of the country. Paige even gave her her own sign name after she had taught her a few signs and saw my mom's interest.

A sign name was basically a shortcut for referring to a person rather than fingerspelling their name constantly. Paige's sign name was the letter P pointed to her sternum and going down slightly. I found out by her Aunt Kathy that Paige's name sign was actually the sign for "hungry" only with a "P" because she was always hungry. Usually signs are very appearance related, and Kathy told me that the nickname she gave Paige was relatively against the ASL naming rules, but she couldn't help herself, it was just so fitting. I had to agree. Paige had given me a sign name the weekend we met, which was an E and flowed down the side of my face like my hair waved down past my shoulders. It was a descriptive naming.

I was able to show off my signing skills to my mom by helping her sign things that Paige was teaching her. It was almost as if we were physically sitting right in front of each other. Paige excused herself for a minute when Aunt Kathy got home and my mom told me that she thought Paige was an amazing young woman – funny, personable, and very bright. Internally I beamed at her approval and thought that if something ever did start between Paige and me, maybe my mom wouldn't be upset at all. She seemed to like Paige well enough. While Paige was away, I was able to explain everything in more detail – how we met and what caused the sudden collision of our worlds. I told my mom about Santa Monica – the complete truth regarding the two dads just to gage her reaction. She didn't cringe in disgust, so that was good.

I couldn't tell my mom anything that I hadn't told her already, because again, I didn't know what was going on inside me. Was I gay? Was I straight? Did I have a crush on my best friend? Was it something more? There were so many questions that I could ask and sometimes in the middle of the night I found myself pouring over those questions until I realized that if I continued questioning what I felt, I would only feel the question and not the feeling. That was the night I decided to just take everything day by day and not to worry about anything until something actually happened. If something happened, I would address that part of it and leave the rest for another day. Eventually I would create myself. I hated the expression "find yourself". I didn't need to be found, but rather I knew I was creating myself. I was making choices and allowing myself to experience things that would shape and mold me into a woman that I wanted to be…a woman I could be proud of.

Around 9pm we finally got my mom to decide to go to bed. It was a fun two hours filled with many laughs and a few stories here and there. My mom told Paige about the time when I all I asked for Christmas as a toilet. During my 8th year in middle school my parents decided to spruce up the guest bathroom – which was also my bathroom. Well, my mom saw the "energy efficient" toilet with the lovely little "star of energy saving approval" and decided right there and then that we were going to have an "energy efficient" toilet. What she didn't realize is that the toilet would never flush. The mechanism in it made it so the water pressure was so low that it didn't matter how much toilet paper was in it, it always got backed up. It was absolutely embarrassing. Thankfully, all of my friends got the biggest laugh out of it because they all played "who can clog up Emily's toilet". Finally, my 11th grade year, I'd had enough. In late October my parents asked me what I wanted for Christmas and the ONLY thing on the list… a better toilet! That is all I wanted. I was tired of having to mess with the stupid thing any time I needed to pee. Paige thought all of it was absolutely hysterical and it was probably even funnier because I was still helping to sign the whole conversation. After the story Paige asked if I ever got my toilet with a big red bow. Sadly, no. No I did not. I never got that toilet and that was probably the number one thing I loved about being away from home. I finally had a toilet that flushed!

When we finally said goodnight, Paige and I packed up my computer and migrated to her room where we each changed into our pajamas and laid together atop the covers. Paige began channel surfing for a show or a movie as I laid my head down on the propped up pillows, my feet resting atop hers. She settled on some type of super hero movie – Captain America I think. I wasn't watching the movie so much as I was watching her. Finally, I decided to sit up and face her for a brief moment before signing "thank you".

"For what?" She responded.

"For meeting my parents. My mom really likes you."

"They seem like they are amazing and they must be to have such an amazing daughter."

I smiled goofily at her and I found her hands with mine. She looked at our hands and then looked up at me, grinning from ear to ear.

In that moment I didn't even know what I was doing, I just knew that I was letting my body lead me as I leaned towards her and pressed a chaste kiss on her cheek. The moment my lips touched her skin I felt electricity shoot through me and my face flushed. I pulled back and saw her face a mirror image of mine. We had something. It was undeniable and she didn't seem willing to stop it either. I felt like a school girl – barely even knowing how to comprehend any of these feelings. We stared into each other's eyes both adjusting to whatever it was that we were feeling. I looked down at her chest and saw that her breath was shallow, just like mine. I felt this overwhelming urge to press my lips against hers, but I was not going to rush this. We were perfect just the way we were. If things were to happen, they would happen in time and so I did my best to shake it off and I changed the subject, still a bit overtaken by the intense experience of kissing Paige's soft cheek.

"So, what do you want for your birthday, now that you're going to be an old woman?" I prodded trying to ease the tension.

"Ha!" she laughed. "Just don't forget the Depends or the walker," she joked. "Better yet, forget those. I want a toilet!" she said mocking me.

I shook my head as I turned over and found my most comfortable spot – my head lying right on her chest. Usually the position was reversed, but I now knew how she felt when I was holding her. I felt Paige shift for a moment and I could only assume by the way she twisted her body that she had taken her hearing aid out. But as her movements stilled, I felt her hand rest on my back and her fingers begin playing with my long dark locks. It was soothing. One of my hands was resting over her stomach and after she tightened her arm around me in a small hug, she laced her fingers with mine. I stared at our entwined fingers for minutes. I had never felt this way before. Kissing a guy never gave me the butterflies I had just from simply locking hands with Paige. It was something so innocent but it brought out the deepest parts of me. I was on an amazing adventure with an extraordinary person. Whatever happened in two weeks would happen in two weeks. But for that moment, I was lying in the most peaceful place; tomorrow would begin a new day with a journey all of its own.


End file.
